


Broken

by TheRainbowShakaBrah



Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: Dark, Depression, Drug Abuse, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Mental Breakdown, Mental Instability, PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Selective Mute Max, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Trauma, Vanessa is nice for once, selective mutism, soft smut, using sex as a crutch
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-02-12 04:26:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 24,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12951270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRainbowShakaBrah/pseuds/TheRainbowShakaBrah
Summary: Max deals with the trauma of letting Arcadia Bay die and Chloe does her best to help.





	1. The First Night

After three hours of driving, I finally pull up to the Caulfield household. 

Max has been silent since the cliff and I haven’t been able to get her to make so much as a sound. 

“Max,” I mutter softly, not wanting to startle her, “We’re here”. 

It’s no surprise when she doesn’t respond… not that I really expected her to. 

I sigh a little and look towards the house, seeing the porch light flick on. 

_ Cue worried parents in 3… 2… 1  _

The front door swings open and runs Ryan and Vanessa Caulfield, looking a little grayer than I remember. 

The couple rushes over to the passenger side of the truck and basically rip the door off. 

I half expect Max to scream or panic or... _ something _ when her parents grab at her, but… she just goes limp, allowing herself to be hugged and grabbed at. 

“Oh, Max, oh my baby girl, you’re safe, you’re safe,” Vanessa cries, smoothing her daughter’s hair back. 

“We were so worried about you, Max,” Ryan says, his voice weak and quivering, “We thought we’d lost you”. 

I watch as Max just stopped moving, acting as if she’s not even aware of what’s going on. 

_ Maybe she’s not _ , I think, continuing to watch the Caulfield’s reunite. 

“Max, sweetie….please… say something,” Vanessa says, looking towards me for answers, “Why isn’t she talking? What’s wrong with her,”. 

I furrow my eyebrows for a moment before sighing sharply. “Nothing’s  _ wrong _ with her… she just. She needs time. We all need time” I mutter, meaning more than I’m letting on. 

Ryan nods and turns to his daughter who stares blankly into oblivion. 

“Come on inside you two. You both must be exhausted”. 

I’m hesitant at first… to leave the truck, I mean. 

These people, that house, this whole fucking state… they all took away my childhood. 

Max did too. 

_ No. You did that yourself, dumbass. You’re the one wasted your childhood feeling sorry for yourself, doing drugs, smoking your lungs out, drinking yourself into oblivion and ruining your relationship with your mom. _

“Chloe?”. 

I jolt back into reality and look towards Vanessa who gives me a very concerned look. 

I sniffle and wipe at my face, feeling tears roll down my cheeks. 

I brush them away. 

“Sorry”. 

“It’s okay, sweetie… it’s okay,” she says, reaching out to me. 

I pull back and open my door, stepping out into the cold frigid night. 

My joints are stiff and my body ache slightly from sitting in the same position for the past five hours, and having been soaked head to toe in ice-cold rainwater doesn’t help this fact either. 

I rub my arms and shiver unintentionally, pulling my jacket tighter around my body. 

“Come on, sweetie, let’s get you inside,” Ryan says softly, trying to get his daughter to follow. 

Of course she doesn’t move, staring down at her hands that rests in her lap. 

After all Ryan’s attempts to coax Max out of the truck fail, I sigh again and look towards the other adults. 

“Mind giving us a second? She’ll listen to me”. 

Vanessa seems hesitant for a moment but obliges when her husband convinces her to let me at least try to talk to Max. 

Once her parent’s give us some space, I hop back in the truck and close the door, taking hold of her hands which despite everything, are warm. 

“Max?”. 

She acknowledges me by intertwining our fingers and sighing weakly.

I smile, “You okay?”. 

I don’t get a response but I don’t need one to know that she’s not. 

“Wanna go inside now?”. 

She nods a little but remains still and silent. 

“... do you want me to carry you in? I totally don’t mind” I say, keeping my words calm and deliberate. 

Max sighs again and nods, finally breaking herself from whatever dark stupor that was holding her. 

“Okay,” I reply, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. 

I get back out of the truck and walk over to the passenger side, giving Max’s parents a reassuring smile as I go. 

I open the door and scoop Max up, feeling her cling to my form like a lifeline, which… I guess I kinda am. 

“I got you okay?” I whisper, “I’m right here”. 

She whimpers a little and holds on tighter.  

I shoulder the truck door closed and walk towards the house, allowing Ryan and Vanessa to lead me inside the warm inviting house. 

“Are you two hungry? We have some leftovers warming up in the oven if you want” the bearded man says, trying to keep a conversation going. 

My stomach groans uncomfortably at the mere mention of food. 

“Um, no thanks. I kinda just want to kick back and sleep” I say, “Preferably for a week”. 

The couple exchange a few nervous chuckles and whispers, giving their daughter a worried look when she reluctantly allows me to set her down. 

“That’s fine, kiddo. We already got the guest room all set up for you,”. 

I blush and nod a little. 

“Oh… that... _ cool. _ Thanks”. 

_ What? Did you really think they were going to let you sleep in the same bed as their daughter let alone the same room?  _

Yeah… kinda, I admit to myself, looking around the house. 

“Your place is… nice,” I mutter, “Very homey”. 

Ryan smiles and wraps an arm around his wife, “Well, thank you, Chloe. And may I add, It’s really good to see you again”.

I chuckle, “Huh, thanks Mr. C. I know I’m not the girl you were expecting to see”. 

“That’s an understatement,” Vanessa says as she walks up and embraces me, “But we're glad to see you all the same”. 

I stiffen up when she hugs me, not exactly used to all this fluffy shit… well at least when it’s from someone that’s not Max. 

“Why don’t you two go upstairs and relax. Max will show you where everything is… won’t you dear?” Vanessa asks as she pulls away, looking at her daughter expectantly. 

But Max doesn’t respond. 

She’s closed herself off to the world again, a cloudy haze coating over her eyes. 

I look down at her, “Max, uh… wanna show me your room?”. 

She hesitates for a moment before silently sliding her hand into mine and gesturing to the stairs we’re standing next to. 

I gladly follow, moving my hand to her shoulders, giving her a warm reassuring embrace. 

“We’ll be down here if you need us,” Ryan calls up to us. 

I nod and give the man a quick thumbs up before disappearing upstairs. 

I keep quiet, not exactly sure what to say to Max as she pull me along. 

Max seems to be thankful for the silence, squirming out of my arms when we walk up to a door with the words “ _ Max’s Room”  _ painted on the wood. 

“Um… so, which one is the guest room?”. 

She pauses for a split second before pointing to the room at the end of the hallway. 

I nod, “Cool. Cool. And uh, I’m guessing this is your room?”. 

I know I’m just stating the absolute obvious, but… I don’t know what else to do. 

Without a response, she pushes the door open and steps inside, keeping the lights off. 

I watch as she staggers over to her bed and sits down with her head hung low, another small whimper escaping her throat. 

“Uh… Max?”. 

She hiccups and sniffles a bit, pressing her hands over her face. 

“Max?”. 

I take a small step inside her room, feeling anxious and hesitant. 

I’ve never been good at comforting people but when it comes to Max...I'm willing to put some extra effort in. 

As she cries, I walk up and sit beside her on the bed, giving her a moment of space before placing a gentle arm around her waist. 

She flinches slightly but allows me to hold her, pulling her small shivering body closer. 

Max wraps her arms around her and sobs heavily into my chest, her tears soaking through my shirt. 

“Shh… it’s okay. Let it out… let it out,” I coo, hoping her parents don’t hear her pitiful cries. 

I brush my hands through her hair in a soothing fashion, doing my best to calm her down. 

“I’m right here… I’m right here, Max”. 

Still not saying anything, Max’s grip on my tightens until I can barely breath, acting as if the moment she let’s go, I’m going to disappear. 

I don’t mind, as long as Max feels safe, I’m fine. 

I don’t know how long I hold her, whispering soft, reassuring words into her ears, but at some point her tears stop, leaving me in silence. 

I sigh, relieve to find that she finally, finally relaxed. 

Her soft, calm breathing is enough to tell me that she’s asleep, so, careful as not to wake her, I peel her arms off of me and adjust her so she’s lying peacefully under the covers. 

I wipe at my own face and move quietly out of the room, closing the door behind me. 

“You guys okay?”. 

I jump when Vanessa’s voice sounds next to me. 

I look over and see her bringing a fresh load of laundry into one of the other rooms.

“Um… yeah. We’re good,”.

“Is Max okay? She… she’s hardly said a word”. 

I shrug and sigh, “I… I’m honestly not sure. A lot of crazy shit went down and… it was really hard on her,”. 

I decide to leave out the part that I haven’t heard her speak a single word since we left town.

“ **_Forever”_ **

And that was it… that was the last word she spoke in over 9 hours. 

“And what about you, Chloe?”. 

I blink, “What?”. 

Vanessa smiles a chuckles a bit, “You, Chloe. How are  **you** doing? I know what happened to the bay couldn’t have been easy on you”. 

I swallow the lump in my throat and shrug.

“Just tired… sad… f- fucking…” I let my voice trail off and sniffle, regaining my composure, “I’ll be okay, Mrs. C. As long as I’ve got Max, I’m good”. 

She nods and smiles, “It’s nice to see you two are friends again,” Vanessa says, watching as I begin to enter the room. 

I nod a bit and sigh, “It’s… it’s amazing to have Max back. Hopefully, it’ll be for good this time”. 

With a soft smile, Max’s mom walks up and squeezes my shoulder. 

“I get the feeling that you two are gonna be together for good now,” she says with a smile, “Now, go bed. We’ll figure everything out in the morning, okay?”. 

I nod and walk inside, closing and locking the door behind me. 

The room is warm and welcoming, making me feel oddly nostalgic. 

I sigh and take off my jacket, then my shirt and finally my pants, leaving me in my boxer shorts and bra. 

I crawl into bed and pull all the sheets over my slightly bare body, creating a soft, safe cocoon around myself. 

I just lay there, alone with my thoughts. 

Everything is so… quiet in the house. 

I can hear the light ticking of an alarm clock next to me and the sweet chirping of crickets outside. 

I don’t know when the tears come, but at some point, I’m aware of myself heaving my lungs out.

I cry in hard, painful, silent sobs. It’s like everything comes crashing down, suffocating me in the process. 

I want to scream, curse the universe for taking away everything that has meaning in my life, but I keep my mouth shut. 

I keep my emotions hidden behind a wall of bad attitude and short tempers. 

I’m not going to burden the Caulfield’s with my problems, they have enough to deal with now that Max has to come to terms with all the shit that was thrown at her that week. 

I need to be there for her too… there’s no point in both of us losing our minds. 

Eventually, after what feels like hours, I cry myself out,  a familiar numbness form at the edges of my mind. I reluctantly let my eyes flutter closed, knowing that with sleep… come nightmares. 

* * *

I jolt awake in a cold sweat, my body shaking and my heart pounding in my chest. 

I shut my eyes tightly, taking some quick breaths. 

_ You’re okay, you’re okay. It wasn’t real _ I tell myself, letting a shuddering breath escape my lips. 

I open my eyes and see that it’s still pitch black outside, but I can tell some time has passed. 

The alarm clock next to me flashes  **3:34 AM** . 

_ “Goddammit,”  _ I mutter, realizing that I’ve only been asleep for less than two hours. 

I wipe a few beads of sweat off of my brow, squinting slightly from the light that floods in from the hallway, the door I had closed now slightly ajar. 

_ What the… did Max’s parents check up on me or something? _ I think, a small bit confused. 

I stiffen up when I feel a sudden shift in the blankets beside me. 

“Max?” I ask, knowing that if anyone was going to slip into bed with me, it was going to be her. 

Sure enough, a messy brown head of hair pokes through the white sheets when I lift them. 

I go red in the face, wondering how long she’s been in bed with me half naked. 

She’s fast asleep, her arms wrapped tightly around herself, so I figure a while. 

“Max?” I repeat, giving her shoulder a light shake. 

She grumbles and swats my hand away. 

“Max… come on, kiddo. I know when you’re fake sleeping,” I continue. 

With a small groan, Max opens her eyes and looks at me. 

“What are you doing here?”. 

She shrugs and sighs, still remaining completely silent. 

“Couldn’t sleep, huh?”. 

Another sigh, and another nod. 

“You okay?” I ask, pulling the sheets over my chest. 

Max sits up a little and looks blankly at her hands. 

She doesn’t reply, only nods. 

“Nightmare?”.

No reply, and no nod this time. 

“*sigh* It’s okay… I get them too,” I say, knowing that the answer is yes. 

I slide my hands into hers and give it a light squeeze, “And I’m right here for you, okay? Remember that”. 

She nods a little and scoots closer, resting her head on my bare shoulder. 

As a kid, Max was always weird about us dressing in front each other, getting adorably flustered, but now, even though I’m half naked in the same bed as her, she doesn't seem to care. 

_ God… she really is out of it… isn’t she?  _ I think, giving her a light shrug. 

“Hey… Max?” I say, “Why aren’t you talking?”. 

I feel her stiffen up slightly before shrugging again. 

I sigh, “It’s okay… you’ll talk when you’re ready, right?”. 

Another nod. “Good. I miss your weird hipster lingo,”. 

For the first time in what feels like a forever… Max giggles, sending a warm feeling throughout my heart. 

“And I miss your voice…” I add, brushing some stray hairs behind her ears, “I miss hearing you laugh and seeing you smile and…”. 

Pausing for a moment, searching her face for something. 

She does the same, her eyes focusing on mine with great intensity. 

I want nothing more than to kiss her, feel her lips against mine… and this time, not pull away. 

But I don’t make a move. 

And the moment passes. 

“I um… *ahem* we should probably get some sleep, huh?” I ask, shifting away slightly. 

She nods a little and looks away. 

“W- want me to walk you back to your room?”. 

Max shakes her head and wraps her arms around herself. 

“So… you wanna stay here with me?”. 

She nods. 

I sigh and slide out of bed for a moment, “Okay, just let me put my clothes back on. I don’t think your parents would much appreciate finding you cuddling up to my half-naked body”. 

Max goes beet red, well… I imagine does. 

It’s a bit too dark to see anything, but I know the little hipster too well, she’s totally blushing. 

I chuckle a bit once I’m redressed, seeing that Max hasn’t stopped staring at me with an almost dumbstruck look on her face. 

“What? You didn’t know I slept like this?”. 

She shakes her head and clenches her jaw slightly. 

“Huh… normally I’d say,  _ sucks for you _ , but I hella think you liked being that close to me” I say as I crawl back into bed. 

I half expect her to shake her head in denial, but Max just tries to shield her face from me, clearly too embarrassed to admit that she might actually have liked it. 

I brush it off and pull her closer to me, resting her head on my heart, “You are adorable, Caulfield… you know that?”.

She nods and cuddles up closer to me, letting out a small sigh of content. 

I smile at this for some reason, continuing to brush my fingers through her hair. 

Max shivers a little, causing me to pull away, “Huh… sorry”. 

She shakes her head and grabs my hand, placing it back on the side of her face. 

“You um… you want me to keep doing that?”. 

She nods again and closes her eyes. 

“Okay…” I whisper, resting my head against hers, “I’ve got you, Max. And I’m never letting go”.


	2. Daybreak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe and the Caulfield's find out just how bad the past week's events have affected Max while Chloe deals with her own problems.

I wake up to Max still holding me, her face buried in my neck. I shiver every time she exhales, her breathing sending puffs of warm air over my skin.

"Max," I whisper, shrugging my shoulder a little, "Hey… I gotta get up and take a piss, okay? I'll be right back though, alright?".

Max grumbles absently and shifts away a bit, releasing her death grip on me.

"Okay. I'll only be gone for like… 5 minutes okay?" I say, leaning in and giving her a light kiss on the cheek.

Max hums with quiet pleasure and cuddles up against her pillow.

I smile and slip out of bed, pulling the blanket back over her.

Silently tiptoeing down the hallway, I make my way into the small bathroom and close the door behind me, careful not to make too much noise since Max's parents are most likely still asleep.

Anyways, once I'm done with my business and finish washing my hands, I take a good long look at myself in the mirror.

My hair is beyond unkempt and is in desperate need of a washing. My face is acne ridden and oily making me look a little younger… and a little more innocent for some reason.

 _I look like a regular teen_ , I think to myself with a small sigh.

My angry, pissed off aura has lost its edge, having been replaced by a more… protective and caring energy.

_Huh, you've gone soft, Price._

Closing my eyes for a moment, I turn the faucet on again and splash my face with ice cold water until it's enough to make me feel alive, awake, alert and refreshed. After a moment of keeping my shaking, wet hands pressed hard over my eyes, I sigh sharply and drop my arms to my sides. I glance towards the shower and decide  _what the hell._  I need to get clean anyway, even if I'm just going to get back into my grimy clothes afterward. After I rummage through the cabinets and find a fresh soap bar and a clean towel, I strip down and turn on the tap, stepping into the stall.

I wince when the warm water strikes my skin.

It feels… nice to relax like this. After the hell we went through for the past 5 days, Max and I deserve a break.

I sigh, _Max._

Poor thing.

She's seen so much and now… she can't even talk about it. Or… talk in general.

_She's going to be okay, Chloe… she always is. Just give her a bit… you said it yourself._

**_We all need time._ **

I stay completely still for over 10 minutes before I remember that I promised Max I would be back in 5.

"Shit".

I hop out of the shower and towel myself off, trying to be as quick as I can.

I jump when there's a light knock on the door.

"Just a sec..." I say, imagining a small, frightened Max standing on the other side of the door, just waiting for me to come out and comfort her.

The knocking continues, growing almost anxious.

"Almost done!" I say again, jumping up and down as I try to pull my skinny jeans over my wet legs.

"I'm coming, I'm coming! Just hold on, I'm right h-".

I don't even get to finish my sentence because Max throws herself at me and starts sobbing the second I have the door open.

"Hey, hey it's okay! I'm right here… sorry it took me so long. I was in the shower," I say, sinking to the floor when her knees give.

Max just shakes her head and cries, struggling to catch her breath as she mumbles incoherently.

_You dumbass. She woke up alone in her house without you after everything that went down. She must have assumed that..._

"I'm here, Max. You saved me... you saved me and I'm here", I say as I hold her tighter, pressing her body hard against mine.

She continues to cry.

Scared, terrified cries.

My heart clenches in my chest and I close my eyes.

"I'm sorry... i- it won't happen again... I'm sorry" I say, my voice wavering slightly.

Soon, Max's heavy sobs get her parent's attention and they come rushing up to us, eyes full of concern.

Before they can reach us I raise my hand up and silently tell them to stop, that grabbing at Max when she's like this will only make things worse.

"Please," I plea, "I can handle this".

Ryan and Vanessa both back away and nod, tearing up at the sight of their daughter in such turmoil.

I return my gaze back to Max as I press my hand hard over her chest, feeling her heart pounding abnormally fast.

"Hey... Max. It's okay, shh shh... it's okay. Just take a deep breath, okay? I'm right here, you're right here... we're all right here,".

Her heavy breathing falters for a moment, letting me know that she heard me.

"Okay... now, I want you to put my hand on  _my_  chest okay? You'll be able to feel my heartbeat. Use it to ground yourself".

Weakly, Max lifts her arm up and tenderly places it on my chest.

"Good, good job," I say, resting my forehead on hers, "Now try and sync our breathing up. When I breathe in, you breath in... okay?".

She nods and takes the first deep breath.

I follow with another.

In...

...out

In...

...out

In...

...out

Max sighs.

I sigh.

We all sigh.

I reach up and brush some of Max's mousey brown hair out of her eyes as she leans into my embrace.

"You're okay".

She nods.

"You're okay," I repeat.

* * *

The rest of the morning is... odd.

But, that's kinda to be expected.

Everyone is on edge, acting like they're waiting for Max to break down again.

Well... we kind of are.

None of us have seen her like this. So scared, and weak and so... fragile.

After she relaxed, Max, her parents and I all gather in the kitchen, waiting and watching as Vanessa makes everyone breakfast.

Max and I sit next to each other, our chair pulled together to our shoulders are basically touching.

"So... Max," I say, trying to start up some kind of conversation even though I know it's pretty useless, "Whaddaya say me and you go hit town? Maybe stop at one of those hipstery bookstores you told me about".

She shrugs and sighs, her body shaking slightly from constantly tapping her leg up and down.

I place my hand on her knee, stopping the motion.

"Max".

Still no response.

"Okay... we'll see if you change your mind later," I say, looking up at Vanessa when she sets a plate of food down in front of both me and Max, "Thanks".

I take a big inhale of breath, shivering unintentionally when the scent sends memories of my mom's diner through my head.

 _Just... focus on where you are now, Chloe,_  I tell myself, _Mom... mom will call, I know she will... she has to. She **is**  alive. I know she is... she has to be... she has to._

I take another deep breath, jumping a little when Vanessa rests a hand on my shoulder.

"You okay, honey?".

I nod and turn my attention to my meal, starting to scarf the warm food down.

"Never better!".

She smiles warmly and looks down at her daughter with concern, sighing when Max when she pokes at the food with little to no interest.

"Please try and eat something, Max," she says softly, "You barely eat anything as it is".

Max grumbles again and takes a few bites, seemingly against her will.

Pleased with her daughter's response, Vanessa sits down across from us, Ryan reading the newspaper beside her.

We're all quiet, ignoring the obvious elephant in the room.

 _Don't ask about the tornado, don't ask about the tornado, don't ask about the tornado,_  I find myself thinking.

Ryan coughs, clearing his throat and I wait for him to say something but... he says nothing, and I relax.

I give Max a quick glance, noticing she'd given up on eating again.

I bump her shoulder and smile stupidly at her.

"Dude, you have to eat… number one 'cause you've gotta, and number two 'cause if we're gonna hit the town, I wanna get one of those bubble tea things and I'd like to share one with you. But if I can't if you don't eat something".

No clue what I'm trying to say here, but at least it gets Max to smile and roll her eyes. She picks up her utensils and begins eating, shooting me sidelong glances.

Ryan and Vaness chuckle, smiling as Max leans up against my shoulder, making my face go red.

"It's good to see you haven't changed, Chloe," he says, "And I thought  _Max_  was the shy one".

I blush even more and try to look away, but that only makes Ryan chuckle even more.

Hell, it gets Max to snicker a bit.

I scrunch up my nose and stick my tongue out at her. "Now hurry up so we can get out of here! I'm getting antsy sitting around doing nothing".

Vanessa looks up from her coffee and gives me an odd look. "But don't you want to stay here in case your mother calls?" she asks, probably remembering the fact that I said my phone was busted.

Max goes stiff and lets her fork clatter onto her plate the moment her mother says this.

_Shit._

"Um… Max?" I say softly, "You okay there kiddo?".

Of course, she doesn't respond, she just sits stalk-still in her chair. Her eyes are glazed and distant, like she's looking at something that's not really there.

 _Is she… having a flashback?_  I find myself thinking.

"Max?".

"Are you okay, sweetie," Ryan asks, setting his newspaper down, "It looks like you just saw a ghost".

"What is it this time?" Vanessa asks, walking up to her daughter and placing a hand on her shoulder, "Are you alright, Maxine?".

Max panics and jumps, her chair flying back and she hops to her feet

Everyone aside from me gives her a concerned look, not knowing what's really going on.

"Hey, you're alright, okay? I'm right here," I say, jumping up and embracing her.

She struggles to get away from me but relaxes when I grab her face and make her look at me..

"Look at me, Max,".

She takes a broken breath and finally meets my gaze.

"I… I'm not going to lie to you, okay? I don't know if Joyce is going to be okay. But if she's not…" I begin, lowering my voice so only she can hear me,  _"It wasn't your fault"_.

Max whimpers and shuts her eyes, shaking her head in denial.

"If it makes you feel any better… I… **I'll**  call her, I'll call her and we'll both find out. Together".

_I don't want to… I don't want to know, but for you, I'll do anything...anything._

Max leans heavily into me and shakes her head again when I gesture for Vanessa to hand me the phone.

Still not really sure what's going on, she obeys and places the device in my shaking hand. After a moment of silence…. I dial home.

We wait for a reply no one is sure will come.

The only sound in the room is that of Max's soft breathing and the ticking of a clock.

We wait.

The phone continues to ring.

 _Please… please don't do this to her… don't do this to me,_  I pray, my own breathing shuddering slightly.

We wait.

The phone continues to ring.

Until...

... it stops.

We all hold our breaths.

**_"I'm sorry, but the number you are trying to reach is unavailable at this time, Please leave a message after the tone. BEEP"._ **

This time, it's me who whimpers, but I hold it in as best I can and continue on with what I promised.

"M- Mom?" I mutter, "I- It's Chloe. I- I just wanted to let you know that I'm okay, that I made it out of town with Max before the storm got hella crazy. I'm... I'm with the Caulfield's in Seattle...".

_Take a breath, Che... take a breath._

*sigh*

"I- I miss you, and I hope you're okay. I really really hope you're okay,  _please be_  okay,".

I hold back another sob.

"David? If you get this... if  _anyone_  gets this... tell my mom I love her".

My shaking hand is making it difficult to keep the phone still, so after a moment, Vanessa comes up and takes the phone from me, hanging up as she does so.

"I'm so sorry, sweetie," she says.

That's when I loose it.

I drop to my knees, Max still in my arms and I cry.

I cry  **hard.**

"No, No No, please... please please not her, not her too!" I beg, "Don't take her away, too!".

In a reverse of roles, Max holds me, softly brushing my hair back.

She struggles but manages to let out some light "Shushes".

Even though she's not saying anything, guilt is clearly written on Max's face.

 _"It's not your fault"_  I want to say...

but the words don't come.

Ryan and Vanessa both join our pitiful embrace, doing their best to calm us down.

"You guys are alright... we're all here for you. We're all here," Ryan says.

I shut my eyes and do my best to remember what's important, that Max made her choice and I promised that no matter what choice that was, it was the right one.

_This is the right choice, this is the right choice, this is the right choice._

We all stay there, crying and crying and crying until...

**Ring Ring Ring**

The... phone?

Phone

The phone.

My heart almost thuds to a stop when the ringing reaches my ears.

I push the three Caulfield's off of me and grab the phone Vanessa set on the table and press it up against my ear.

"He- hello? Mom? Mom is that you".

The aline is silent except for a light whispy wind sound, sending another crushing blow to my heart.

I'm just about to put the phone down when a thin, fragile voice breaks through.

_"Chloe?"._


	3. How Do You Feel?

Joyce is alive, oh god she's alive.

While she did survive the Two Whales exploding, she didn't get out unscaved.

 ** _["My injuries don't matter, darlin'. All that matters is that I'm still here for you,"]_**  she reassures when I continually ask if she's alright.

I sigh and nod to myself, wiping a few tears from my cheeks, "Sorry, sorry. I'm just… I'm just so glad you're alright,".

**_["I am too. When David couldn't get a hold of you, we both assumed the worst"]._ **

I pause and shift in my seat, unsure if I should even ask what's on my mind.

"How's David? Is he okay?".

Mom is quiet for a moment and I find myself starting to worry when she doesn't respond right away.

"Mom?".

**_["David's fine, sweetie. Just surprised you'd ask considering… well, considering everything,"]._ **

I swallow hard, "I know… but… I just wanted to know. For your sake".

**_["He's fine. A little shaken up, but fine. He was on a call in some protective bunker when the storm hit so thankfully he was trapped in there durin' the worst of it"]._ **

I let out a shallow breath at the mention of "a protective bunker", knowing exactly what she's talking about.

_The Dark Room._

I look towards Max, who surprisingly complied when her parents told her to give me some space. Now she sits anxiously on one of the couches in the living room adjacent from the kitchen, shooting me worried glances every so often. I can see her expression is still one of relief and guilt if such a mix is even possible.

 ** _["Chloe? You still there?"]_  **Mom asks, her voice catching my attention again.

"Oh… yeah. I'm here. I um… I meant are you two okay. I- I know the last time we all saw each other… things got  _heated_  and…". I let my voice trail off.

**_["David is still stayin' at a hotel while I'm in the hospital (not that he has much choice) but… I know we'll be okay,"]._ **

"I'm glad," I surprise myself by saying, "I know how happy he makes you,".

Joyce is silent again, but only for a second.

**_["You've had a real change of heart this week… haven't you?"]_.**

I can't help but chuckle a little, "Huh, yeah… I guess I have. You have Max to thank for that,".

**_["How is Max? I'm surprised she isn't tryin' to pull the phone away from you,"]_.**

I swallow hard and look at Max again, "Yeah. She... she's okay. ( _I think)_  But um, she's taking the whole…  _tornado_  thing pretty hard, so… methinks she's gonna be out of commission for a while".

 ** _["What's wrong,"]_**  Mom asks, her voice filling with worry, ** _["Did she get hurt?"]_.**

 _Shit, I didn't even_ _ **think**_   _about that. What if her rewind fucked with her head so much that she actually hurt herself?_

"I… I'm not sure,".

**_["Well, did you ask her?"]._ **

"Huh, that's kinda the problem. She's not  **talking** , mom. She hasn't said a single word since yesterday..." I say, struggling to keep my voice free from excessive worry.

**_["Give her the phone would ya? Maybe she'll feel better if she knows I'm alright,"]._ **

I sigh, not really seeing the harm in trying.

_Maybe all Max needs in some initiative to get her talking again._

"Hey… Max? Come here for a second would ya?".

She's on her feet immediately, but once she reaches the doorway... she pauses, seeming hesitant to approach me.

I gesture my hand out to her, slowly and reassuringly.

"Joyce wants to talk to you," I whisper softly, watching as she walks up to me.

Max looks at the phone in my hand, then at me, then at the phone again.

"I'll do the talking okay? You can just listen," I say, setting the phone down on the table and pressing the speaker button.

Max nods and sits next to me, keeping her shoulders square and acting like she's trying to make herself smaller than she actually is.

"She's here, mom. We're both here" I say, placing my arm around her shoulders.

**_["Max, sweetie, can you hear me?"]._ **

She stiffens up for a moment, startled to hear Joyce's thin, raspy voice but nods in response even though she knows no one can see her aside from me.

I hold her a little tighter, doing my best to reassure her that everything is okay, that none of this was her fault.

**_["You have no idea how glad I am to hear that you two are alright. Y'all got outta town just in time"]._ **

Max swallows hard and continues to nod.

 _ **["I want you to know that** **me** **and David are alright, okay? The diner has seen better days but what matters is I'm okay,"]**_  Mom continues.

Max nods again but takes a weak breath at the mention of the diner.

 _ **["Now listen, I don't know how long it's gonna be before I'm able to come see y'all again, but I want you to thank you for keeping my baby girl safe this through all this,"]**_  she says, taking a quick breath, **_["I don't know what I'd of done if I'd lost her"]._**

A small whimper escapes Max's lips as she tries to pull away, but I hold her still, pressing out heads together.

**_["Promise me you'll keep on keeping her safe? Trouble always seems to find her"]._ **

I fake scoff, trying to lighten the mood, but of course, it doesn't work.

Max is still silent (no surprise there) but she nods and turns to me with a knowing look in her eyes.

She's seen the danger Chloe Price brings, She knows the chaos I create, she understands the pain I cause others.

And she's fine with it… I know she wouldn't have it any other way.

We're close again… just like we were last night.

I can feel Max's warmth and hear her soft breath and it's like time has stopped… like it's waiting for something to happen.

And this time... something does. Max focuses on my face again, eyes darting between my lips and eyes.

I do the same, feeling my heart start pounding harder and harder in my chest.

She leans in… slowly and hesitantly… until our foreheads touch and our noses brush up against one another.

I feel her small hand reach up and rest on my cheek, tucking a stray strand of hair behind my ear with trembling fingers.

I shiver a bit and take a small breath, watching as she begins to close the distance.

It's a quick kiss, scared and timid, a little unsure, but a kiss all the same. I don't say anything when Max pulls away, not wanting to ruin the moment or scare her away.

It takes a second, but soon time catches up with us and I realize that mom is calling out our names.

 ** _["Max?"]_**  she says, ** _["Chloe? You two still there?"]._**

I blink and finally let Max go, watching as she gets up and takes a few hurried steps back.

"Uh… yeah… we're here. Max… Max promise she'll take care of me," I mutter, reluctantly returning my attention to the phone in front of me.

**_["Can't Max tell-"]._ **

"I'll explain everything later, mom. I- I gotta go now".

**_["Chloe is everything-"]._ **

"Everything is fine," I say, cutting her off again, "Just… will you tell David where I am?".

 ** _["Um… of course sweetie,"]_  **Mom says, sounding more confused than ever,  ** _["Chloe are you sure you're alright?"]._**

I nod, "Yeah… I'm fine. We're fine. Just… I'll call you in a bit okay? I need a little bit of time to um… process everything".

**_["Alright… I love you, Chloe. And I'll talk to you in a while, yeah?"]._ **

I nod again, "I love you too, mom and…yeah… I'll talk to you in a bit".

**_["Bye,"]._ **

"Bye," I repeat, trying not to sound too emotional.

The other end clicks out first and I sigh weakly and press my hands to my face.

 _Max just kissed me,_ I think to myself,  _Max fucking Caulfield just fucking kissed me._

"Everything okay in here?" Ryan says suddenly, poking his head into the kitchen for a moment.

"Yeah…," I mutter, "We're all good. Right, Max?".

I assume she nods because Ryan continues talking.

"Glad to hear it. Anyways, Vanessa and I  _had_  planned on making a quick grocery run today, but we can stay here if you don't want to be alone. It's a big house and well...".

I don't need to turn around to know that he's looking at Max.

"... We want to make sure you kids are alright".

"We'll be fine, Mr. C. And hey… if you want, I can go to the store for ya. It's the least I can do, since… you're like… letting me stay here and all,".

"That won't be necessary, kid. You're welcome to stay here as long as you need".

 _As long as I need,_  I repeat in my head,  _how long is that?_   _Until Mom gets better? Until David tracks me down and makes me go back to that hell hole?_

"We'll be fine," I repeat, swallowing hard, "You and Mrs. C go on ahead, Max 'n' I'll hold down the fort. Right?".

She nods again.

After a moment of silence, Ryan sighs and gives in.

"Alright, alright. Just promise you're going to behave? No  _Chloe and Max wine tasting session_ , I mean it".

I chuckle a bit at the odd pang of nostalgia in my chest and finally turn around, seeing a still timid and scared looking Max leaning against the fridge.

"We'll be fine, You have my word".

"I'm going to hold you to that," he says, leaning in and giving Max a quick peck on the cheek, "We'll be back in about an hour or so, so if you need anything, just call. Okay?".

She rolls her eyes and playfully shoves him away, returning her hands to sides.

"Okay. just give us a ring if you want anything special. We'll be more than happy to get it.  _As long as it's legal, mind you,_ ".

I blush and turn away, relieved that I actually took a shower.

 _No more weed smell_ _ **or**_   _weed for Chloe._

"W- we're  _fine_ , Ryan," I say, using his first name this time.

"Alright, alright we're going. See ya in a bit".

I absently wave him off and sigh again, patiently waiting for Vanessa to finish saying goodbye before joining her husband at the door.

"See ya".

Once we're finally alone, Max lets out a sigh too, and it's loud enough to let me know she's trying to get my attention.

"You… you okay there, champ?" I ask, turning around and watching as her arms tighten around herself.

She doesn't respond at first, she just stares blankly down at her shoes.

"Max?".

She sighs again and nods.

"You want to talk about it?" I ask, knowing that she's probably having second thoughts about that kiss.

Max shakes her head and gives me an odd look before I realize what I said.

I smack my hand to my face, "That was… kinda insensitive, wasn't it?".

She nods a little.

"Sorry,".  _I know I told her to take her time talking but… this is agony,_  I think to myself before sliding out of my chair,  _I_ _ **need**_   _to hear her voice again._

Max's eyes go wide when I walk up to her and she absently takes a step back when I get too close.

"Max?".

She swallows visibly and nods.

I close my eyes for a moment and try not to let my emotions get the best of me.

"I- I need to know what that kiss meant. I need to know where we stand. I- I can't go through this again if you're just going to change your mind".

With a heavy sigh, I reach out and rest my hands on Max's shoulders, holding her firmly in front of me.

"Do you have feelings for me, Max?  _Those_  kinds of feelings?".

She looks startled for a moment, like I just asked her and obscenely personal question, but then her expression changes to one of slight hurt.

I watch again as she wiggles out of my grasp and takes my hand in hers, intertwined our fingers together. She then takes my other hand and places it over her heart then places her  _own_  hand on mine.

I blink, feeling a steady blush form on my cheeks.

"Max?".

Max looks up at me and I look down at her.

Then... she smiles.

" _ **Forever"**_ she whispers _._

My heart suddenly jumps up into my throat and at first, I can't speak. I just look at Max blankly, trying to comprehend her words and the fact that she actually spoke.

"F- forever. Forever. What does that mean?" I ask, eager to get her to continue talking, "Forever?".

But of course... she doesn't say another word.

Max just keeps on smiling.

_What do you **think**  it means, dumbass. She said it to you once and she said it again now._

**_Forever means_   _Forever_.**

I swallow hard and pull the hand holding hers away, placing it on top of the one that rests on my chest.

"I... I need to know, Max," I say, my eyes clouding up with tears, "I need to know how you really feel about me".

She sighs a little and shakes her head, putting more pressure on my chest.

I let a few tears fall before shaking my head in frustration. "I don't understand, Max! I need you to say it... I need to hear it. I need to know if you really lov-".

My words get cut off when Max leans up and presses her lips hard against mine, her hand moving to the back of my neck as she pulls me down to her level.

All the fear and doubt I was feeling moments ago melting away like like ice on a warm sidewalk.

I pull my hands away and move them to her back, pressing her even closer to me.

The kiss continues for well over a minute, growing hungrier and hungrier by the second until I need to come up for air.

I pull away void of all breath, my mind fizzy and my knees weak. My eyes search hers for reassurance, but all I find is... _love_.

I swallow hard, feeling a smile pull at the edges of my lips.

"Max... I- I ... I love you".

She smiles and nods, placing her hand on my chest again.

**_"Forever"._ **


	4. Everyday Teens

"And you're sure that your parents are okay with us leaving the house for a while?" I ask as I buckle myself into my truck, looking over at Max as she does the same.

She rolls her eyes and grabs her phone, shoving it in my face with a thread of texts on the screen.

I grab the phone and look through the multiple texts between Max and her father, getting the gist of the conversation.

"Okay, fine. But just to the mall to get me some new clothes and straight back".

She chuckles softly when I say  _straight_  getting me to roll my eyes.

_Heh, real mature, Caulfield._

"Anyways, I sorta need directions before we go anywhere," I say, turning the engine on, "You got 'em or are you going to tell me?".

Max sighs and avoids my gaze, tapping on her phone a few times, seemingly ignoring me.

 _Stop trying to get her to talk, dumbass,_  I scold myself,  _She'll talk when she's ready._

"Sorry," I mutter, "I know, I'm an asshole".

But Max doesn't seem bothered by what I said (not totally at least) instead she hands me her phone again, showing me a small map if Seattle, a star marking the nearest strip mall.

I sigh softly and take it, giving her a sorry smile which she returns happily.

"Off we go then," I tell her, pulling out of the driveway and driving down the street a little ways before merging with traffic.

It's quiet on the road, no sound except for the radio humming in the background.

I tap my fingers along the steering wheel and hum along to the music, waiting for something to happen.

The sky is clear and the sun is shining... and for some reason, it's really unnerving.

 _Maybe... maybe Max really did cause the storm,_  my mind tells me,  _it's been one day... there should be some remanence of the storm making it's way up here. Right?_

I shake my head and focus on the road ahead, trying not to think too much into our wired predicament, like if Max and I are... like, girlfriends now.

 _Give her time, Chloe,_ I continue to tell myself,  _she needs time to figure shit out... just like you do._

While I do love Max, and I willingly admitted it to her, that in no way means I'm over Rachel. The pain of her betrayal and death are still fresh in my mind and I know it's going to be a long while before the pain leaves me. But that shouldn't prevent me from being happy, and Max makes me happy.

Focusing on the road again, I glance down at Max's phone and take the roads leading to the mall.

"Did you like living here?" I find myself asking without really meaning to. From what I've seen so far, Seattle seems nice. Busier and noisier than Arcadia, but still nice.

Max sighs.

I swallow.

She turns to me and shakes her head.

"Oh...".

She shrugs.

"Well, I kinda like it".

Max shrugs again and sighs, leaning her head against the window of the truck.

_Idiot._

I sigh sharply and focus on the road again, unsure if I should even bother with small talk, asking yes or no questions.

"Um, maybe later you can like, give me a list of cool places in Seattle and we can go there... just us, and you can take pictures".

Max stiffens up when I mention pictures, so I know that's my cue to stop talking.

"Shutting up, now".

Max nods in thanks and we continue to drive in silence.

I pull the truck off the road after putting about two or three miles of road between us and the Caulfield's household.

The mall Max's map showed is huge, bigger than the shitty little on in the bay.

"Damn," I say, swinging into the first free parking spot I see, "That's a huge bitch".

Max chuckles again and rolls her eyes, watching and waiting as I grab my wallet and see how much money I have left from the handicapped fund after paying off Frank.

I have just enough cash for a few sets of clothes, leaving just enough for gas and food for about a week.

"Ready?" I ask, turning to Max as I shove my wallet back into my pocket.

She nods.

So I hop out of the truck and walk over to the passenger side, opening the door for her. "After you, madam".

Max rolls her eyes again and takes my extended hand, stepping out of the truck and giving me a timid smile.

"Just... try and stay close okay?" I say, trying not to treat her like a little kid, "We can even hold hands if you want?".

Max rolls her eyes, already taking offense.

I grip her hand, worried that, if she can't talk, I'm going to lose her.

"Come on, we've got a few hours until your parents come home. Let's make the most of it".

She nods again and gestures to the large building as if to say  _let's go._

So we start walking towards the mall, grabbing a floor map on our way in.

* * *

"Okay... the only punk-ish store this place has is a  _Hot Topic_ , so let's hit that place first then we'll see where things go from there, yeah?" I ask, turning to see Max nodding at me.

"Alright,".

So, still holding hands, Max and I wander around the mall, until we find the wanna-be-edgy teen store and walk inside.

My aesthetic already fits the apparel around, so Max looks like a complete outcast amongst the dark clothing which makes her look cuter.

"Grab a few tee shirts for me, yeah?" I say, sauntering over to the pants section, "Anything with a skull should be fine".

She nods again and grabs a small basket, throwing in a few shirts she was already looking at.

I smile and turn back to the clothes laid out in front of me, grabbing the first few I see that are my size. I hum absently to the garbage blasting through the store speakers, grabbing a tube of hair dye, set on re-dying my hair later today.

 _Maybe that'll get her to open up a little,_ I think, nodding as I add it to the pile of clothes I've gathered. "Hey, Max! Bring the basket thing over here so I can put this shit in it," I call back to her, smiling when she walks back up to me.

Gesturing the basket to me, Max avoids my gaze for a moment before stepping a small bit closer to me.

I smile and shove the things in the basket, taking it from her so she doesn't have to lug it around for me. "Thanks".

And before I can even move, Max steals my idea and leans up, pressing a small kiss on my cheek and pulls away quickly before I can say anything.

I blush and blink a few times, watching as she walks over to exit to wait for me.

"Woah".

Not sure how long I stood there like an idiot, I pull myself out of my daze and walk over to the register where a short, mohawk clad girl stands, staring at me with an impish grin.

"Just this please," I say, placing the basket on the counter, looking around on said counter at the little nicknacks and bracelets.

"Your girlfriends cute".

"What?".

"I said your girlfriends cute," the cashier says, giving me a smile.

I blush and shake my head, "Oh... um, she's not-".

"Sure she isn't," she says, cutting me off, "You're lucky".

I blush even more, "Thanks".

"Hmhm".

So as I continue to blush and the cashier continues to ring up my stuff, I look down at some of the bracelets, grabbing one with a small deer charm on it.

_H_ _uh..._

I dig through the small box all the bracelets ate in until I find another with a small butterfly on it.

"You want those too?" the cashier adds.

I nod and hand them to her, watching as she as she adds it to the total.

"Enjoy," she says once I pay, my cheeks still burning with embarrassment from someone recognizing me and Max's... _relationship_.

I nod and shuffle off towards Max, who smiles when she sees me.

"Hey.."

She nods and gives me a small wave of greeting.

"Do you want to go check out that bookstore?" I ask.

Max shrugs a little and rubs at her elbow in a way that I know means she's not really sure.

"We don't have to if you don't want to," I add, "I just remember you said you wanted to go to a bookstore. If you don't want to do that, we can just get donuts".

That gets her to smile.

"Donuts it is".

So, I grab her hand again and lead her around the mall, trying o find the food court, keeping a simple conversation going, even if it's only me talking. "Gah! I'm starving... what about you?'.

She giggles and shakes her head with a warm smile.

"I know, I know. I just ate, but come on... that was like  _2 hours_  ago".

She giggles again and I squeeze her hand.

"You're adorable, you know that?".

She blushes and rolls her eyes.

"I'm serious, dude! You're like... one of the smartest most talented people I know and... you mean a lot to me".

We both stop in out steps at stare at each other for a moment, Max smiling up at me stupidly. She reaches up and places her hand on my chest again, right over my heart.

"I love you too," I whisper, now knowing what this gesture means.

 _Maybe all I need is to learn some of Max's gestures,_ I think as we start walking again,  _we don't need words to tell each other how we feel._

* * *

We don't find a donut shop, but we do find a little take-out restaurant in the food court that Max has apparently gone to enough that she has a "usual" order, meaning that she doesn't have to talk.

I, however, take 5 long minutes just trying to figure out what the fuck the menu says, let alone know what dishes they are. "I uh... I'll I'll have whatever she's having," I say, pointing to Max.

Max snickers a little and points to the menu laid out on the counter, showing me what she's getting.

" _Beef Chow Mein Bowl with..._  ew, broccoli?!" I say, wrinkling my nose, "Blegh".

She giggles again and hugs me from the side, nuzzling her cheek against my shoulder.

I sigh and roll my eyes, knowing her well enough to know what she'd say if she could talk. "Fine. I'll try it... for you".

I can almost feel her smile as she presses another soft kiss on my jawline.

I try to hold down a shiver but fail, unable to mask the pure joy I feel everytime we touch.

Even if it's in a none sexual way.

 _Don't even think about that, Chloe,_  I tell myself, not wanting to ruin what we have too soon, _enjoy this for what it is._

So, once our order comes in, Max and I take residence at one of the lunch tables, keeping our fingers intertwined the whole time.

It's odd, relaxing like this, knowing that there's no storm coming for us. But it's nice... really nice.

I absently pick out the stocks of gross green vegetables and place them in Max's bowl when she's not looking even though I know she can see me.

"I tried one piece and I almost threw up, dude," I say, "At least I can say I tried it".

Max scoffs slightly and rolls her eyes for what seems the millionth time today. I watch as she takes her chopsticks and scoots herself closer to me.

"What are you doing?" I ask, both intrigued and cautious.

She makes a 'hushing' sound before she starts picking out the rest of the broccoli for me.

I smile softly and let her rest her head on my shoulder again, gently wrapping my arm around her to keep her close.

"What did I do to deserve you?" I whisper, forgetting my food for a moment.

She looks up at me and gives me a knowing look.

"So... what doe this mean, Max? Like... all the flirting and kisses and hand holding. Do... do you wanna like, be my girlfriend?".

" **Yes** ," she says simply, continuing on with her meal.

I swallow hard, still startled whenever Max does manage to talk.

"I'd... I'd like that. But, um... just... just know that things are going to be a little hard for me, okay? I'm still going to need time to move on from Rach-".

Max squeezes my hand and nods in a way that I understand means  _I know._

I smile again and hug her, thankful for her understanding. "Thanks, Maxie".

She hums softly and hugs me back, holding there until she jumps, her phone ringing from within her tote bag.

"Hey, hey, it's just your phone, okay? It's just your phone" I say, recognizing the panic in her eyes.

She nods and takes a deep breath, placing her hand on her chest like I taught her.

I grab her bag off the spot on the floor beside her and find her phone, pressing it up to my ear, "Hello?".

 ** _["Max?"]_  **Ryan says.

"Nope, Chloe here. I'm Max's receptionist at the moment," I say, shooting her a smile which she dismisses.

**_["Well, may I speak with her?"]_ **

"Um... she's in the bathroom right now," I say, already knowing she's not going to talk, "Can I take a message?".

 ** _["No, no... it's fine. I was just wondering when you two were planning on coming home. Vanessa and I have just a few more errands to run"]_  **he says.

"Oh, if you want Max home, we can leave right now, head over there in like... 30 minutes," I say, gesturing for Max to start putting away our leftovers in their takeout boxes.

 ** _[Oh, no... you don't have to do that,]_**  he says, something shuffling around in the background,  ** _["You two are having fun, right? Just have her home before it gets too late"]._**

"So 8 o'clock?".

Ryan chuckles.  ** _["You know the rules. I trust you with my daughter, okay?"]_**

I swallow and nod, getting the suspicious feeling he knows more than he's letting on. "Yes, sir".

**_["Alright... we'll see you back at the house. Bye"]._ **

"Bye, Mr. Caulfield" I repeat, turning to Max who's staring back at me.

She raises her eyebrows expectantly as if trying to ask  _"what did he want?"._

"Just your dad checking up on us," I clarify, loading out takeout boxes into the bag with my clothes, "He wants you home in a few hours, so we still have time to do some exploring if you're up for it".

Max's face lights up, the panic attack she just had fading from memory.

I knew that expression well... I'd seen it in the face of a much younger Maxine Caulfield when pirate ships and buried treasures ruled our lives. It's the classic, " _let's go on an adventure"_ look.

"An adventure it is," I say, digging through the bag again and grabbing the two bracelets I bought, "And to start us off on our new adventure together, I bought us these".

Max's smile grows when I show her- her doe bracelet and my matching butterfly one.

"We're totally bonded life, right?".

She nods and smiles, interlacing our fingers together before placing a gentle kiss on my cheek.

"You missed," I whisper, getting her to pull back in confusion.

I giggle.

"My lips are right her, silly".

She blinks once and blushes, getting the gist of what I'm trying to say.

We lean in once again and kiss each other softly and timidly, still trying to find a rhythm that we're both comfortable slippings into.

"Better?'.

She nods and smiles again, leaning in with no hesitation.

* * *

We left the mall an hour later, both of us already tired from the stressful day we had.

But it was nice to kick back and relax for a while, act like two normal teens.

Max finally opened up to the idea of dropping by the bookstore where she picked up something called "The October Country".

I'm not really a book reader in the traditional sense, but if Max wanted it and it made her happy, she got it.

I got a dumb little science book on biology, chemistry, and physics, somewhat eager to get back into the saddle of finishing my education.

it's weird to think that I'm older than Max but she has a higher education than me.

_And who's fault is that, dumbass? Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, letting a girl pin after you and tease and taunt you until you gave her what she wanted, you could have done something with your life. But no, Chloe wanted attention because **sad Chloe's fucking sad.** You had a scholarship for fuck sake! You had a future and you threw it all away to play hero for a girl who left you._

For once, I ignored the little voice in my head that tried to feed me lies and make everything worse than it actually was, focusing on Max.

I focused on her because right now, she needed me more than I needed myself.

We held hands the entire time, feeling the bond between us growing stronger by the minute.

Now, as we drive down Max's street, the streetlights flicking on behind us, she fiddles with my bralette on the hand that rests on the clutch, her small fingers rubbing over the charm in slow strokes.

"Do you like them?".

She nods and hums a little, her head resting on my shoulder once again.

"Good. 'Cause they're hella cheesy like you".

She smiles again and sighs, staring off at the road in front of us.

However, she stiffens up when we pull up to the house, an unfamiliar car parked in the driveway.

"Max?" I say, watching as she sits stalk still in her sea.

" **No,"** she says, simply and clearly.

I shiver slightly at the intensity she put behind the single word.

"What's-".

 **"No,"**  she says again, tugging on my arm anxiously.

"Max you need to... you need to help me figure out what's wrong," I say, putting the truck in park and facing her with utmost concern.

She shakes her head.

 **"No,"**.

But it's too late.

Whoever was inside must have heard my truck pull up and now both Caulfield's are walking out to greet us, giving me Deja Vu from last night.

"Just relax, I'll figure it out, okay?" I say, hopping out of the truck before Ryan and Vanessa could reach us.

"Hey, Chloe, you two are back early," Rayn says, acting as nonchalant as ever.

"Who's car is that?" I say immediately, already knowing this conversation is going to go downhill in a heartbeat.

"It not important right now. Where's Max?" Vanessa says, waving at her daughter who's shut herself in my truck.

"She's freaking the fuck out because of that car, so... I'd kinda like to know whats going on".

"it's noth-".

"It's Max's psychologist," Ryan says in a monotone voice, knowing he's not going to be able to stop me from trying to keep his daughter safe. "We're going to have him look at Max and see if he can figure out why she isn't talking".

"It's been a day!" I protest, "She's going to start talking again".

"This isn't the first time this has happened, Chloe," Vanessa says with a sigh.

I blink, "What?".

"Come inside and we'll explain. vanessa and I are just trying to do what's best for our daughter" Ryan says.

I swallow hard and look back towards Max, also wanting what's best for her.

"Okay... I'll talk to her".

So I walk back to the passenger side of the Truck and open the door, watching her squirm away as if I were going to drag her out.

"Max?'.

**"No,".**

"I know... but you have to".

She shakes her head, " **NO".**

There's venom in her voice, and I know she's not going to go without a fight.

"Please... they only want what's best for you.  **I**  want what's best for you," I say, reaching in and brushing the hair out of her eyes.

She stiffens up a little and tries to pull away.

**"No,".**

"Max...".

**"No...".**

"Please. For me. Do this for me".

Max wants to argue more, I can tell but her eyes give her away.

She can't say no to me.

_She knows it's for the best._

"I'll be right there with you, okay? We're in this together, right?".

I gesture to our bracelets which she's gripping onto like a lifeline and nods.

"Okay... come on. I'm right here," I say opening my arms out in a hug.

She moves her self into my embrace and steps out of the truck with great reluctance, her small body pressed against mine for a few seconds.

"I'm right here. You can see me, you can feel me, you can hear me. I'm right here," I whisper, pulling her away from the door so I can close it.

"Come on, sweetie," Ryan says once we start moving closer to the house, "We'll get your things later".

Max whimpers, her face still buried in my shirt.

I hold her closer and whisper to her.

I tell her that no matter what happens next, I'm with her till the end.


	5. In My Mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was heavily inspired by the Bojack Horseman Episode "Stupid Piece of Sh*t".

It's quiet in the room I'm sitting in, the only audible sound is that of a clock ticking above me. Ryan, Vanessa and I are stuck here while Max is in the study with the psychologist. I sit there, squirming in place, my mind picturing her sitting in there all alone and scared, unable to respond to whatever he's asking of her.

 _She's fine... she's fine... she's fine,_  I think to myself, trying not to have a panic attack,  _She's fine. STOP. WORRYING!_

I know it's no use arguing with myself, but... I can't help it.

I'm fucking terrified.

_What did they mean this isn't the first time this has happened?_

_What has Max not told me?_

_What really happened to her when she moved?_

_What did they do to her?_

_What did_ _**I**  do to her?_

I can't hear what they are saying, and as much as I'm tempted to go up to the door and eavesdrop, I have a lot of respect for Max's privacy.

 _I have to protect her,_  I think to myself, trying not to reduce her to the likes of a child, but I have little choice in the matter when she can't even talk.  _I have to protect her._

I sigh and run my hands through my hair, trying to find something to relax myself.

"You okay, Chloe?" Ryan asks softly, his voice thin and shaky.

I shrug and take a deep breath, "Yeah... I'm fine".

It's a lie.

I'm not fine.

Not at all.

"You look pale, sweetie... do you need some air?" Vanessa says, giving me a soft smile.

I feel trapped in this room, but I don't want to leave Max.

"No...".

"She'll understand if you need a minute to yourself," Ryan tells me, "Go ahead... it's going to be a while before she comes out again".

I consider arguing, but I do need some air... plus, I need a smoke break too.

"I'll be back," I finally say, getting up and grabbing my jacket, throwing it across my shoulders.

"We'll call you if anything happens,".

I nod and make my way to the back door, sliding it open and stepping out into the frigid night.

I grab my pack of cigarettes and pull one out, counting how many I have left as I do so.

_Three left..._

_Shit..._

_I need to get more soon.._.

I scoff slightly and light up, walking over to a lone tree in the corner of the yard, my eyes immediately drawn to a rope latter hanging from the bows.

 _Looks like she had her own little hideout,_  I think, climbing up the tree and into a small treehouse.

It's smaller than the one we had in Arcadia, but... it's still somewhere special.

At least for Max, it is.

_I hope she won't mind this place smelling like smoke._

So I sit there and smoke, feeling myself start to relax, the tense muscles in my shoulders loosening.

"What are we going to do, Max," I ask the air, rubbing my temples, "I don't know what to do for you".

_If there is anything you can do..._

_Look how badly you fucked her up..._

_You're the one who put her through this._

"Shut up!" I snap at myself, hissing at that little voice in my head, "Urgg!".

I take a long, hard drag on my cigarette until my lungs burn and I cough violently, my head filling with fuzz.

I flick the butt away and grab my pack again. "Fucking... stupid ass thoughts fucking making me waste a fucking cigarette," I mutter to myself, pulling a phone out of my pocket instead of my pack. "What the...".

_Shit... I never gave Max her phone back..._

_Maybe she won't mind if I do some snooping..._

Maybe I won't go through her messages or anything like that since most of them are from...

I shake my head and decide to ignore the messages.

So, I just stare at the blank tab I have open, debating on whether or not I should try and help... take things into my own hands.

_Literally._

I groan and little and shake my head, feeling like an asshole for joking at a time like this.

I sigh again and pull up a search bar, unsure of what I should even type:  **Time traveling girlfriend won't talk after tornado destroys town?**

No…

_There are just so many fucked up things that happened to her..._

_I don't even know where to start..._

_She's just... so disturbed by it all..._

I sigh again and simply type  **Trauma.**

Hundreds of results show up, ranging from Shock to PTSD, to TBI's, to Mutism, to… wait.

_Mutism?_

I tap into the link and begin reading. The article is describing all the thing Max is doing, even though she's only been silent for last than 24 hours… but I get the feeling that this is it.

This is the reason she's not talking.

_She's scared._

"She's scared" I repeat, "You're scared".

_Oh my god... Max._

_I... I'm so sorry._

_This is all my fault._

_I did this to you._

_I did this._

My thoughts are interrupted when I hear a rustling coming from the ground below me.

" ** _Chloe..."._**

I stiffen up and shove the phone back into my pocket.

"Max?".

Scrambling to the hatch I crawled through to get up here, I look down at the ground.

There.

There she is.

Max.

Her face is pale.

Her eyes are red.

Her hands are shaking.

Her focus is glued to the ground.

"Max..." I whisper, scared to even approach her.

_She looks so fragile..._

_She looks so scared..._

_I'm so sorry..._

"Max...".

Max remains still, acting like she didn't hear me.

"Max?".

A small sigh escapes her lips and she reaches her hand out and grabs the latter, pulling herself up to me.

I reach out and take her by the arm, gently guiding her to me.

Her arms are wrapped around me in an instant as I settle her onto the treehouse.

"Hey..." I whisper, returning her hug, "It's okay... I'm right here".

She shakes her head and holds me tighter.

_Somethings wrong..._

"Max..." I say, rocking her softly in my arms.

She instantly curls up and tries her best to relax, but her breath keeps caching in her throat as tears spill from her eyes.

"Breathe... just breathe," I instruct, tracing circles on her back in a soothing motion.

She continues to cry.

And I continue to hold her.

"I've got you... I'm not going anywhere".

I feel her nod as she pulls herself upward and kisses me on the cheek.

"I love you too," I say, knowing this is what she's trying to tell me.

She stays in my arms for a few more minutes before moving herself to the spot beside me.

I know she doesn't want to let go, but she has too and we both know why.

Whatever that man in there said, Max's clinginess towards me is only making things worse.

"You're okay,".

She shakes her head and hugs herself, closing herself off from the world... closing herself off from me.

**_"I'm not"_.**

I swallow hard.

"What happened?".

She shakes her head again.

**_"Don't leave"._ **

"I... I'm not going to leave, Max. I just said-".

**_"Don't leave me"._ **

I reach over and hold her by the shoulders.

"What. Happened".

She pushes me away and starts crying again.

"Please, Max. If you can't tell me... show me" I say, trying not to sound as terrified as I actually am.

I watch her as she looks down at the hatch then back at me.

" ** _Listen..._** ".

I look at her, then the hatch, then back at her again.

Wordlessly, I get up and move towards to the hatch, climbing back down into the cold night.

Max follows soon after, allowing me to help down.

"You okay?".

She's still not looking at me, or even responding in the usual way.

"You're okay...".

_That's what you get for being so intense asshole._

I pull her in for a quick hug before sliding my hand into hers and lead her back inside the house.

I gesture for her to stay quiet, then realize what a stupid asshole I still am.

She shrugs it off and points to the room her parents and psychologist are in.

I sigh and nod, pressing my ear up against the door and catch the tail end of their conversation.

"She's not talking at all," I hear Ryan say in hushed tones, acting like it's something that Max should be ashamed of, "Even you said she didn't talk... only nods".

"And you're sure it's not just situational?" The man with the grey coat asks, "Just quiet when she's stressed?".

"No," Vanessa says, "It's more...  _intense._ That's why we called you".

"Well considering this hasn't happened in over 6 years, I'd say that this storm you told me about is to blame. That or reuniting with Chloe again has brought up a lot of repressed memories and emotions we've worked on in the past. She might just be struggling to come to terms with them".

"So... what do you suggest we do?".

"Give her some space, for now, let Max relax and start feeling more comfortable being around others and she might open up some more".

"And Chloe?".

I scoff slightly at the way Vanessa says my name.

"Send her home for now. I know that Max has a strong bond with her but I think it's feeding into her mutism".

_What?!_

I clap my hand over my mouth to prevent myself from actually saying that out loud.

"So, you're saying we should force Max to talk by taking away her best friend?"

"No. I'm saying that by enabling her mutism, it's making things worse... she might not recover from this".

Vanessa gasps softly as I back away from the door, my stomach churning slightly.

_I'm going to be sick._

_I'm going to be sick._

_This is my fault..._

_I..._

"We have to go..." I mutter, backing away from the door. "We have to leave," I say again, "I can't leave... I can't lose you".

Max looks at me for a split second and nods, understanding what needs to be done.

She grabs my hand and leads me out of the room and into the hallway, up the stairs and into her own room in a matter of seconds.

 _She knows what's going on... she knows what we need to do_ , I think to myself. watching as she digs through her closet for something.

_But... I can't force her to abandon her family for my sake_

_What am I doing?_

_I'm ruining her life like this!_

_You keep fucking things up!_

_Stop being a fuck-up!_

I jump again when Max taps me on the shoulder, breaking me from my thoughts.

She has a duffle bag slung over her arm, bigger than the small tote she usually carries.

 ** _"Let's Go_** ".

"What?".

She points to the window.

**_"Go,"._ **

"I... are you sure you want to leave? I mean...  _leave,_ leave?".

Max drops the bag and walks up to me, placing her hand on the side of my head.

**_"With you, I'd go to the ends of the earth and never return. That's how much I love you Chloe Price. I'm willing to give up everything I know for you because you're all I want. I can't and don't want to live without you. So please... let's go"._ **

I blink a few times, my jaw dropping to the floor.

I can't even say anything because Max leans in and kisses me hard on the lips, stopping my thought before they even reach my head.

When she pulls away, I continue to just stare at her in awe.

"Holy. Shit".

She smiles and gesture to the window again, grabbing the bag and my hand.

"Let's go?".

She nods and pulls me to the window, giving me one last kiss before stepping through.

I can tell that Max has done this before, she finds her way down from the roof quicker than me and even though I have a lot more experience sneaking out, I almost break my ankles dropping down to the ground.

"I'll keep the engine off and we'll roll down the driveway," I say once we (quietly) get into the truck, "Sound good?".

Max shrugs and nods, making a gesture that I know means,  _hurry up._

I smirk a little, "Bossy pants".

She rolls her eyes and makes the gesture again.

"Alright... off we go," I say, pulling the truck out of park and allowing it to roll silently into the street. "So... where should we go, Maximus?" I ask once we're far enough away for me to start the truck.

She shrugs for a moment, but I know she already has a place in mind.

"Portland?".

I turn to her and catch a small smile on her lips.

"Portland it is".

 


	6. I Need To Save You, But Who's Going To Save Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, yeah... I'm back writing this story!
> 
> And just a heads up, this chapter was extremely difficult to write for multiple reasons, and it's not my best work if I'm honest, but... it is what I wanted to happen next in Max and Chloe's story. And... things will only get worse from here on out. 
> 
> I'm not sure when the next update will be since I have about 5 other Fan Fictions I need to work on, so stay tuned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Suicide Attempt/Drug Abuse

Running away isn't as easy or as glamorous as the media presents it, because between the paranoia and fear that someone will follow us and force me to return home to the utterly destroyed Arcadia Bay, nothing about our trip to Portland is fun. Max and I are both tired, hungry, and scared by the time the truck starts running out of gas, neither of us thinking to bring any food with us. "We're going to have to stop and get gas soon," I tell her, scanning the horizon for a place to stop, "We can get food too. You brought the Blackwell money with you right?".

Max is still for a moment before she nods, leaning over the duffle bag at her feet and pulling out the faded envelop from one of the pockets.

"Good. We're going to need it," I tell her, "Your parents can track your credit card if we use it and I'm not ready to be found... _not yet"_.

She nods again, seeming more withdrawn than usual.

I sigh a little and reach over, taking hold of her hand and bring it up to my lips. "Well be fine," I say in between kisses, "We've got each other's backs".

Another nod and an even tinier sigh.

"Okay...".

She pulls her hand away and wraps it around herself, refusing to look at me.

"We'll have to stop for the night too," I say after a moment, "After we gas up I'm not sure how much longer I'll be able to drive without passing out".

No response, physical or verbal.

"Okay..." I say again, my grip tightening on the steering wheel as I look out the window.

It's dark now, the street lights illuminating the road and our faces as we pass under them.

I find my eyes drifting to Max but I tear them away and focus on the drive, but it's hard knowing that something is bothering her and I can't do anything about it

It takes awhile but I eventually I drive up to a small little gas station and pull over, telling Max that I'll only be a minute.

I sit idle in the truck for a moment, opening my mouth to say something but close it at the last second, knowing the conversation is useless.

 _Something's wrong,_  I tell myself as I fill the tank,  _she... she just looks so sad... more so than usual. Does she regret running away with me? It wasn't like I was just going to up and leave her but... I didn't give her much choice did I? I know what... what she said, but I feel like she wasn't okay with it, she didn't want to leave, but she didn't want me to leave either._

Continuing to let my thoughts fester for a moment, the light click of the gas pump pulls me back into reality. I'd much rather disappear than live in the moment, but I know Max needs me... and I need her too. Right now, all we have is each other. I sigh once more and put the hose back in its place and fish for my wallet before realizing that using my own credit card (surprise surprise I have one) will give away our location too, so no use using it here. "Ah shit," I mumble, walking over to the passenger side of the truck and tap on the window.

She jumps and turns to me, rolling down the window so she can hear me talk.

"Hey, mind sparing me a 50 from our cash stash? I gotta pay inside, maybe pick us up some snacks" I say with a cheesy smile, hoping it will lighten her mood.

It doesn't.

Max wordlessly bends down and pulls a small wad of cash out of the bag and shoves it at me. Not aggressively, just... dismissively.

_What have I done?_

"I'll be back okay? I'll get you a soda or something..." I mutter, taking the ball of money and leaning in to give her a reassuring kiss.

Max moves away slightly before I reach her, so I get the gist that she wants to be left alone right now.

"Okay..." I whisper even softer, pulling away from the window and walking over to the quick-mart across the lot.

_I'm making things worse..._

* * *

The quick-mart is small and smells like weed, which is oddly comforting. The stoner dude behind the counter looks at me when I enter and nods, acknowledging my presence even though he's high as balls. I wander around a bit, grabbing a few bags of chips, cookies and trail mix for the road, along with a whole bottle of soda for us to share. It's not much... but it'll last us a while... until tomorrow at the most... or until someone finds us.

There's a TV playing in the background and I do everything in my power to ignore it, hearing the news program go over the 'Tragedy of Arcadia Bay'. I hear them list the dead like a rap sheet, and I feel my stomach churn when I recognized some of the names. The destruction... so much destruction... half the down dead and destroyed, nearly wiped off the fucking face of the earth... and Max did that. Max chose for this to happen, and look what it did to her, saving my worthless ass straight up broke her. And that's my fault...

 _This is all my fault,_  I tell myself,  _You broke her._

With a sigh, I take my things up to the register and set them out in front of the stoner dude who stares at them blankly. I snap my fingers in front of him and groan, "Hey... bud. I need 30 bucks on pump 4 and to pay for this shit".

He blinks and nods, looking at me completely glassy-eyed. He starts slowly and sluggishly ringing up our stuff, mumbling something to me as he does so.

I lean in a little, "What?".

"You a stoner?".

I furrow my eyebrows, already pissed and annoyed with myself, "Yeah, what's it to you?".

"You wanna buy sum weed?" he mumbles again, smiling stupidly like I do when I'm high, "Gotta fukn'  _super_  rad batch from my dealer...". He pulls a baggy from his pocket that holds about 5 or 6 little joints and wiggles it tantalizingly in front of me, "I wanna share it with someone but all my friends are fukn' pussies. This shit is  _s_ _trong,_ my dude".

I look at it, tempted, my body waiting for the next fix I give it and sigh. I know I shouldn't, not when I need to be all there for Max, but right now... I don't care, I need to get away from my thoughts before they end up killing me.

My eyes flick up to his and I sigh.

"How much".

He smiles.

"50 for the whole thing".

It's a bit much but I don't care.

"Fine... put the gas and food on my card," I say immediately, throwing the 50 bill at him and snatching the weed bag, shoving it in my pocket for later use.

I don't care if I use my card now, or if they track us here... I'll keep driving far enough that they'll never find us... we'll disappear forever.

"Nice doin' business with ya" the stoner dude says, continuing to ring us up, taking my card when I hand it to him.

I keep twitching anxiously when he hands me the paper bag full of our food, needing my fix way more than I'm used to.

"Thanks," I say, grabbing my card and shuffling out of the store in a rush, the little bell on the door ringing as I leave.

_Why are you doing this, dumbass? Stop trying to escape! BE there for her... she NEEDS you. She' on the edg-_

But I stop listening to the voice in my head, slamming the door behind me and throwing the paper bag at her feet along with the duffel bag, which that itself almost makes Max jump out of her skin. She can immediately tell something is different because she turns to me with a concerned look on her face, showing more emotion than she has is a few hours. I feel her hand rest on my lap, and I ignore it even though I know she's trying to tell me something. It stays there for a moment as I try to get the key in the ignition, my hands quaking and trembling, before finally moving to my shoulder.

I try not to look, but I cant. I turn to Max and see deep blue eyes staring back at me, impossible to ignore.

Her hand moves to my chest where it rests over my heart, but I can't form the words she wants me to say... not right now.

Not when I'm like this.

 _"I'm here"_  she mouths, no actual words leaving her lips.

So I simply nod and mutter a half-assed 'I know' before finally starting the engine.

She's hurt by my silence, hurt and annoyed.

But right now... I don't care.

I just want to get high.

Get high and blow off some steam.

I can't function properly when I'm like this, and I end up hurting the people I love because of it.

And I don't want to hurt Max anymore than I already have

I peel out of the parking lot and jump back on the road, Max grabbing on to the door handle to steady herself when I make the sharp turn. She remains quiet and I like it that way. She knows something is up, just like I do, but neither of us do anything about it.

We're both starting to crack at the edges.

And it won't be long until one of us breaks.

* * *

I keep driving in silence, a whole hour passing before I see a decent looking hotel and pull into the driveway and park, finally letting the tension in my shoulders settle. I release my death grip on the steering wheel and look down at my hands, my knuckles painted a faded, pale white. I flexing them a few times to get the blood flowing, trying to get them to stop shaking as well, but nothing seems to work, so I just put them back on the wheel and lean against it, softly smacking my forehead against the rough material.

Max still looks shaken, her hands returned to their spot around her, and she just sits there, looking worried and anxious... just like me.

"We'll be in Portland tomorrow," I say, deadpan and distant, "After that... we'll...".

My voice trails off, not actually knowing what tomorrow will bring. I'm not sure I really want to know at this point, all our days spent together have gotten progressively worse, even if the good things have happened sporadically.

"We'll be okay," I decide, hoping I sound convincing enough.

She shuffles around, not really seeming comforted by my faux optimism. If anything, she seems more nervous and I know it's my fault.

_Just like everything else._

I've cooled down a bit by now, but the need to take the edge off still sticks. My mood and thoughts are all over the place and it's starting to scare me because I don't trust myself when I'm like this, and I don't know if Max does either. And that's the scariest part.

"Hey..." I whisper, hating that she has to see me like this, acting like a total ass and fuck up, "I'm sorry I'm like this... I just... *sigh* I'm sorry".

After a brief moment of silence, I hear Max undo her seatbelt and slide over to me, her body and warmth pressing against mine. Her hands wrap around my waist and pull me closer, her face pressing into my back. I can feel her breathing, her steady intakes of breath causing mine to fall into the same rhythm. With a small sigh, I close my eyes and focus on Max. Her warmth, her touch, her breath and the sound of her heart.

"I love you, too" I mumble, sighing softly, letting her comfort me like she wanted to do from the beginning.

She nuzzles my shoulder blade a little before pulling away, pointing to the management office we parked in front of.

"Okay... we can go get a room now," I say again, unbuckling myself, "I'm tired".

_But not tired enough to get high, right?._

She nods and opens the door and steps out into the night. I follow her, taking another chunk of cash from our stash and shove it into my pocket with my weed.

We both enter the small building, seeing an older looking lady looking up from her copy of some dimestore paperback and right at us. "May I help you?" she asks, her eyebrows raising suspiciously.

Max nods but I do the talking.

"Yeah... we'd like to rent a room for the night, please," I say calmly, "We're both tired and would like to rest up before we head out on the road again".

"Oh? What's the occasion?" She asks, clearly suspicious of our intentions, "You two on honeymoon?".

Max blushes and shakes her head, waving her hands up in a clear sign for no.

"No. We're just on a spontaneous road trip," I verify, trying to sound nonchalant, "Going up to Portland for a few days".

The lady keeps her focus on Max for a moment, her suspicion turning into concern, "Is she okay? Looks like you've been through hell and back, sweetie,".

"She's fine" I retort, not wanting anyone else to get into out clusterfuck of problems and emotions, "Just tired... right Max?".

I assume she nods because the conversation carries on.

"If you say so... anyways, how old are you two? You seem awfully young to be out on your own at this hour,".

"I'm 19, she's 18 and its 10 at night. Now can we please have a room?".

"Do you have money to  _pay_  for the room?".

The lady is still focusing on Max who cowers behind me.

"Do you take cash?" I say, bringing her attention back towards me.

The lady nods.

"How much is it a night?" I continue, pulling the wad of cash out of my pocket and flashing it to her

"$30 per person and $40 for the room. So-".

"About a hundred bucks... here," I slap the money on the reception desk, and sigh, "Now can we get a room?".

Still giving us a weary stare, the lady takes our money and counts it, "How did you come across money like this?".

"Uh, I have a job?"I lie, "Where else would I get it?".

I can already tell where this chick is going to go so I don't even bother trying to stop her.

"Well, with someone of your...  _lifestyle,_  one can only assume".

"Yeah, I get that a lot. I paid for our room, now can we get the key?".

"Alright... room 203 is open. Here's the key-" The lady reaches under the desk and hands me the key, "Just... keep it down, we have others here tonight".

Max blushes more, knowing what she's implying. I just groan in annoyment and grab the key, taking Max's hand and leading her back outside.

"Fucking asshole," I mutter, walking up a small flight of stairs and to our room.

I hate that no matter where I go, I'm always going to be seen as a delinquent, a piece of wasted youth that everyone has given up on. At least Max doesn't treat me like that. At least... not yet. I tighten my grip on her hand for a moment before letting it go as I unlock the door and swing it open. It's small and shabby looking, but it will do for one night... or two. I usher Max inside, watching as she looks around like a curious puppy as I close and lock the steel door behind me. "God, I'm tired," I say, walking over and flopping down on the sagging bed. Max wonders over and lays down beside me, her cheek pressed up against the fabric of my shirt.

We stay there for a while, simply enjoying each other's presence before I pull her even closer and bury my face in her hair, still smelling the lingering scent of chlorine stuck in the strands. "You need a shower, dude" I mumble, causing her to shiver a little, "You still smell like pool water".

She grumbles a little and cuddles closer to me, trying to hide her face.

"Don't shy away... I just call 'em like I see 'em" I reply, trying to lighten the atmosphere.

But she's not in the mood, and neither am I.

I look towards the bathroom, complete with shower and tub.

"Did you bring towels in the duffel bag?".

I feel her nod.

"Why don't you go shower... It'll be good for you, help you relax a bit," I tell her.

Another grumble, then a sigh and nod.

"Okay, I'll go get the stuff from the truck and bring it to you," I say, watching as she gets up off the bed and looks towards the darkened room.

She wanders over and flicks on the light, frowning at whatever she sees inside.

"What is it?" I ask, lazily pulling myself up to my feet, ready to leave.

But knowing Max, she might just want me to hurry back so I stay outside the door the whole time while she showers.

Max points inside, so I go stand beside her.

There's no curtain on the shower, so looks like that's a no-go... but the bath is still usable. "Bath it is then," I say, tapping her with my elbow.

She's not really amused so I keep to myself.

"Okay... just fill 'er up and get in. I'll be back with the towels and clean clothes in no time okay?".

Max looks at me for a moment, seeming scared to be left alone.

"5 minutes... I promise".

She nods and looks down at her shoes, seeming to struggle for words.  ** _"P- Promise you won't... leave me here?_ ".**

I blink, "What?".

Max shakes her head and tries to back away when I hold her by the shoulders.

"Max, I'm... I'm not going to leave you here if that's what you're afraid of. I'm not going to run away," I tell her calmly and reassuringly, "I wouldn't do that".

After a moment she nods, seeming to believe me.

"Here," I say, taking the truck keys from my pocket and handing them to her, wrapping her hands around them, "Trust me... okay?".

She swallows hard and nods, gripping the keys in her hand and sighs with mild relief.

"Okay... now go ahead and fill up the bath, and I'll be right back. I'll leave the towel where you can see it, okay? And keep the door closed... I want you to have your privacy".

Another nod, small and timid this time.

I lean in and kiss her forehead.

"I'll be right back, okay?" I tell her, watching as she backs into the bathroom, pressing her hand to her heart as the door puts a barrier between us, "I love you, too,".

* * *

Once Max turns on the tap, I shoot out the door and into the night quicker than lightning, my joint and lighter already ready. I look down at the drugs in my hands and lean up against the door in a brief moment of indecisiveness, not really sure if I want to do this, especially with my mind in such a fucked up state. I shake the feeling off immediately and place the small paper roll between my lips and light it, the smell and taste already working its magic on me. I take a long hard drag before sighing... feeling warm and fuzzy on the inside. "That's better" I mumble, strolling down the stairs and over to the truck again, "No more feeling for Chloe".

Deep down I know I shouldn't be doing this but I need time to myself, I need an escape just like Max does. I just have the tools to do so.

I pull the door to the truck open and slip inside, letting the smoke my joint emits fill the air around me. It makes me dizzy and like I'm floating on air, not necessarily in a good way but it's enough to take the edge off, make me forget about the pain that ails me. "You're... okay, Chloe," I mutter to myself, taking another drag, "You're going to be okay... both of you are going to be okay". After a few minutes, the truck is filled with weed smoke and I'm higher than I have been in a few years, and it feels good and bad all at the same time. I finish the tiny joint and flick it outside, reaching down and placing the duffle bag on my lap and dig through it, trying to see past my swimming vision. Inside is a lot of clothes, most of them are Max's but I catch sight of what I can only assume are some of Ryan's clothes. She must have snuck away and grabbed some when I wasn't paying attention. "Thanks, Max," I mutter again. rubbing my eyes a little as I feel the high starting to take full effect.

 _Woah... dude wasn't kidding when he said this shit was strong,_  I think to myself,  _holy fuck..._

I close my eyes and shake my head, zipping up the duffle bag and clambering out of the rusted up truck with it flung over my shoulder.

Everything feels so intense and numbing at the same time, I can barely keep standing upright, let alone walk properly.

_Maybe this was a mistake..._

I shuffle across the parking lot and pause at the stairwell, feeling slightly intimidated and dizzy and just how far I have to climb in order to return to Max.

_I don't feel right..._

I take the first few steps no problem, but the higher I climb, the worse my nausea gets and I have to grip the rail-guard for support. I close my eyes and flashes of the night Nathan drugged me crash through my mind, the same helpless feeling settling in my bones. I remember him offering me a drink all friendly like, and I remember thinking how easy this was going to be to just get shitfaced with him, my tolerance level for alcohol already fairly high. Both of us were already buzzed from the bar, so I thought a few more beers wouldn't hurt. But then he slipped something into my drink and the whole night was a blur. I remember sounds and sensations, feelings and emotions. I shake my head again, really not wanting to relive the paralyzing fear that came with waking up to that rich bastard taking perverted photos of me, not really knowing if he did anything...  _like that_... to me. After I escaped, I sat alone in my room and sobbed for hours.

I keep moving up the stairs and somehow manage to make it back into the room, where I try to shut it noiselessly behind me. My head hurts and the room is beginning to spin and every noise is agony, so I walk over to the bed again, flopping down on the soft sheets after throwing the duffle bag into a random corner. "I'm back, Max!" I call to her, continuing to rub my eyes as reality seems to warp right before me. I keep my eyes closed and try to steady my thoughts but nothing works and I know I messed up big time...

Like always, Chloe Price is a major fuck up in everything she does... even drugs.

_Asshole musta laced the joints with something..._

_And now I'm tripping out hardcore, and trying to take care of my traumatized, mute girlfriend._

_She's going to be pissed I got myself so high that I can't function..._

_She'll probably leave me too._

_Her parents can clearly take better care of her that I could ever dream of..._

After a while, I realize that the water is still running in the bathtub, which should be filled by now.

"Max... I bought the towels" I call again, "If you were waiting for me, you can get in now!".

No sounds... just water.

"Max...".

Still nothing.

"Max?".

Now, slightly, alarmed, I get up off the bed and stagger over to the bathroom, leaning up against the wall for support and knocking on the door.

"Max... you in there?".

_Where else would she be?_

"If you're not gonna talk, at least open up so I can give you the clothes and towel?".

Still no response.

I close my eyes and rub my head again, looking back down at the old, grey shabby carpeting and seeing water pool under my boots.

"Wha-?".

After a moment, it clicks in my head and my heart sinks.

_No..._

"Max?!" I say, this time knocking a lot harder on the door, reaching for the knob and finding it locked.

_Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god..._

"Max?!" I cry again as I start to panic, the high not helping at all, "Max can you hear me?!".

_Oh my god... she going to kill herself... she's going to kill herself because of me! I did this, I killed her, I killed Max!_

Without a second thought, I square up and ram my shoulder into the thin wood door, shaking it on its frame.

"Max!" I cry again, tears spilling from my eyes, "Please... don't do this!".

I ram into it again, the hinges starting to loosen.

"Please... I can't lose you... not you too!".

I ram the door again...

And again...

And again...

And again...

...Until...

The lock finally gives and I tumble into the small bathroom as the door swings open, landing hard in a puddle of ice cold water. I'm stunned at first, both from the fall, and the situation, but I pick myself up in seconds and shake off the sharp pain ramming the door left in my shoulder. "Max?!" I breathe out, scrambling to the bathtub, preparing myself for what I know I'm about to see... except... it's not what I expect at all. Max is in the tub alright... but she's sitting down upright, her body shivering violently. She's fully clothed and completely drenched, her hair still dripping with water. Her face is pale and her lips are dry and cracked, her eyes almost as red as mine. "Max..." I say, my voice breaking when I realize what she was  _trying_  and _failed_  to do.

My heart sinks further into the pit of my stomach and it takes everything I have not to throw up even though nothing happened.

Max looks up at me, her lips and body trembling and she just shakes her head and says:  ** _"I'm sorry"._**

I blink, choking on tears of my own.

"Why, Max... why?" I ask, scared to move and scared to touch her.

_She looks like a corpse_

**_"I'm sorry"_ **

"Max..."

**_"I'm sorry"._ **

"Max, what happened?" I inch closer and turn off the water.

 ** _"I'm sorry_** ** _I'm sorry_** ** _I'm sorry_** ** _I'm sorry_** ** _I'm sorry_** ** _I'm sorry_** ** _I'm sorry_** ** _I'm sorry_** ** _I'm sorry_** ** _I'm sorry_** ** _I'm sorry_** ** _I'm sorry_** ** _"._** Max just keeps repeating the phrase, shutting her eyes and rocking back and forth in the still overflowing tub.  ** _"I'm sorry_** ** _I'm sorry_** ** _I'm sorry_** ** _I'm sorry_** ** _I'm sorry_** ** _I'm sorry_** ** _I'm sorry_** ** _I'm sorry_** ** _I'm sorry_** ** _I'm sorry_** ** _I'm sorry_** ** _I'm sorry_** ** _"._**

I just shake my head and pull myself unsteadily to my feet, my stomach churning and my head still spinning. _She tried to kill herself,_  I think to myself,  _she tried to kill herself but couldn't do it_... "Max..." I mumble, looking back down at her shiver body, "We have to get you out of there".

She doesn't react at all, not even a flinch from the sound of my voice. She just keeps repeating:  ** _"I'm sorry_** ** _I'm sorry_** ** _I'm sorry_** ** _I'm sorry"_** over and over and over again.

I'm afraid to leave her, but she's going to die in there if I don't get her warm, the night already cold and bleak. So I run out of the room and grab the duffle bag, nearly tripping over myself when the whole room shifts around me, my high still very much there. I shake it off and take hold of all the towels (about 3) and take them back to the bathroom where Max continues to rock herself in place.

**_"I'm sorry_ ** **_I'm sorry_ ** **_I'm sorry_ ** **_I'm sorry_ ** **_I'm sorry"_ ** **_._ **

I set the towels down on the counter and lean into the nearly frozen water, scooping Max out and feeling as she goes almost limp in my arms.

"Please just hold on..." I beg, grabbing the towels with one hand and wrapping them the best I can around her. Slowly and sluggishly I make my way back into the main room, dropping the small shivering brunette on the single bed and wrapping the blankets around her, "Just hold on".

 ** _"I'm sorry_** ** _I'm sorry_** ** _I'm sorry_** ** _I'm sorry_** ** _I'm sorry_** ** _"_  **she continues.

 _This was her escape,_  I realize...  _I had my drugs... she had this..._

"Shh, Shh, shh" I coo, rubbing my warmer hands over the blankets in hopes it'll help her warm up faster, "I'm right here".

_Maybe that's the problem... maybe she doesn't want you here, maybe that's why she was trying to 'escape'._

"I'm right here, Max... right here".

_You can't take care of her like this... she's not okay... her parents were just trying to help, and you made things worse._

"I need you".

_You're selfish... just like she is._

**_"I'm sorry_ ** **_I'm sorry_ ** **_I'm sorry_ ** **_I'm sorry_ ** **_I'm sorry"._ **

_All you are is just two fucked up, selfish kids trying to find a way around the pain._

_And sooner or later it's all going to catch up to you._


	7. I Feel Numb In This Kingdom

Through the flow of violent rears, I hear the door to our room swing open but I don't react... can't react. Max is in my arms, and pale, shivering, crying mess. "Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on," I beg, for what I'm not sure. All I want to do is drown out her voice, drown out words that feel like knives to the chest.

 **"I'm sorry** **I'm sorry** **I'm sorry** **I'm sorry** **I'm sorry".**

Footsteps fall upon us, but I still don't move.

"Wha- What the hell is going on in here?!".

It's the landlord, she sounds pisses, worried and scared all at the same time. I continue to ignore her, unable to leave Max's side.

"Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on,".

 **"** **I'm sorry** **I'm sorry** **I'm sorry** **I'm sorry".**

"Why is my floor all wet? What happened to her?".

Now she's closer, and I feel her hands on my shoulders, trying to pull me away from Max. So I scream... but no sound comes out of my mouth.

It's all just white noise.

Noise.

Noise.

Noise.

Noise.

Noise.

"Hey, hey, hey! Snap out of it!".

I'm facing the landlord now, gasping for air like a fish out of water.

"Calm down, calm, down... tell me what happened. You're okay".

But I'm not...

We're not.

Nothing is okay.

Everything is fucked.

Everything is broken.

Everything is breaking.

Reality is crumbling all around me in real time.

"I'm..." I begin.

"She tried to..." I start.

"She was going to-" I try.

"She almost-".

But my words are muffled by the tears and cries of Max and me. She shivering and sobbing, her teeth chattering non-stop.

I can't stop crying and I feel like I'm going to die if I can't catch my breath.

The message is clear to the landlord, and her face goes white when she sees the state were in.

"Oh, my...".

_That doesn't even begin to cover it_

"Stay were you are, I'm going to call someone, I'm going to get someone who can help," she says, rushing out of the room as quick as she came. The door slams shut behind us and Max and I wince, but I can barely tell since we're both shaking so violently.  _No... no no no._  She can't call someone... if she does, they'll take Max away, and she'll be alone... I'll be alone. I can't do that, not to her, not after everything we went through. it can't end now.

"Max..." I say, shaking her shoulder slightly, "Max, we need to go".

_She needs help, help you can't give her!_

"I'm n- not letting them take you," I mumble, forcing myself up even though the room is still spinning, "I can't do this without you".

I can feel panic settle in my chest as I grab Max's limp, shaking form and wrap her in another comforter before grabbing the money left in the duffle bag and head to the door.

"I'm going to protect you".

_You're not..._

I just keep going, right in a straight line.

_You can't save her like this..._

I stagger down the small hallway.

_Why don't you understand that?_

I stagger to the stairs.

_Why are you doing this to her?_

I stagger  _down_  the stairs.

_Can't you see you're killing her?_

I continue to stagger all the way to the truck, which unfortunately is parked in front of the landlord's office.

And she's standing right there.

_Fuck._

She spots me right away and rushes up.

"Ma'am please go back inside. The paramedics and ambulance should be here soon".

"No," I growl, "I'll take her,".

It's a lie, but she doesn't need to know that.

"Please, ma'am. Your friend is sick, I can see it from here. She needs medical attention".

The lady tries to reach for Max and I pull away.

"Don't fucking touch her"

My words are venom and cause the landlord to flinch...

And that scares me, because I know that's not me.

Not the real me.

"Touch her and you'll regret it".

It's an empty threat, but deep inside I know it's not.

The lady backs off and raised her hands up in surrender.

"Okay, okay... I won't touch her. But please, you need to get her help. You're too inebriated to drive, I saw you smoking out here, you're putting her in more danger".

"I'M SAVING HER!" I hiss, my balance offset with the force of my own words.

The air is silent for a moment, all except for Max.

 **"** **I'm sorry** **I'm sorry** **I'm sorry** **I'm sorry".**

Her voice is hoarse, growing thinner and softer, and even more strained.

"Please..." I beg, softer this time, "Just let us leave".

"I know what your friend- Max was it?- I know what she's going through, and you have to understand that there's more to it than just keeping her safe".

"You don't know what we're going through!" I snap again, holding the small brunette tighter, "You don't know what we've seen! What she's dealing with!".

"All the more reason to get her help... so please, trust me".

But I can't and I don't.

_Why won't you let her help, Max needs it._

So I just continue on my way to the truck, shouldering the landlord aside. She continues talking but I tune her out, setting Max inside the still smoke-filled truck and buckling her up. Grabbing her limp, shaking hand in my own and kiss it, trying to put the warmth back in her. Max barely notices, she merely blinks a few times and goes silent, her mouth still moving ever so slightly to the words  ** _"I'm sorry"._** Her eyes are still glazed over but she somehow manages to turn to me, her deep, greyish-blue eyes piercing through my soul,  ** _"I'm sorry"._**

"Please," the landlord says, coming up behind me, "I'm going to ask you one more time. For her sake... think about what you're about to do...".

I pause for a moment, the moral voice in my head that's screaming at me not to run taking over, but I force it back and slam the passenger door shut. The need to run and hide is stronger. "You can't stop me," I say, shouldering her aside and walking over to driver seat.

"Please! You're still inebriated! You can get into a crash!".

Flashes of my dad's accident rip through my head and I pause, visibly shuttering, my breath catching but I shake that off too, pushing myself to continue.

"Please!".

But I don't stop.

I get into the driver's seat and peel out of the parking lot before the lady can say anything else, leaving her in a cloud full of dust.

Soon, the motel fades from my views in the rearview mirror, but our escape doesn't help my ever growing anxiety. My heart is pounding wildly in my chest, so loud I can hear it in my ears. My hands are shaking as well as my body, my chest is heaving and I feel like I still can't breathe but somehow I'm still conscious despite the hard drugs still coursing through my blood. I just keep driving and at one point, I'm not even going it's in the direction I'm supposed to be going.

Max is quiet again, rocking back and forth on the seat, gripping on to the blanket for dear life. All I can hear is her teeth chattering from fear and the cold.

Silently, I turn the heat on at full blast, hoping that it will stop my shivering as well. Right now, I don't think I can talk to Max... not now, not after I've been alone with my thought for this long, not after she tried to leave me after asking me not to leave her. Part of me is angry, wants to be upset that she'd be stupid enough to try and off herself, but I have no say in the matter considering I tried nearly the same things years ago. I just keep my mouth shut, knowing now, that she's even more scared and traumatized than before, Max is probably never going to say anything other than  _"I'm sorry"_.

I pass street signs and stop lights, major roads, and highways, just driving, ignoring nearly everything else in my path and just drive.  _Relax, relax... you're helping her... you're doing the right thing,_ I try to justify, but I know I'm wrong, that this isn't at all the way to get Max the help she needs. I'm just so self-obsessed with keeping Max safe that my own abandonment issues are starting to reek serious havoc on everyone around me because Chloe Price is nothing more than a problem that doesn't have an answer. Maybe... at one point, I believed that perhaps Max was the answer I'd always been searching for, but now... I'm just the problem.

I'm just her problem.

I don't deserve this...

I don't don't deserve any of this.

 _"_ I don't deserve this... _"_ I mumble softly to myself, rubbing my eyes as my drug high continues to painfully make my head throb, "I don't deserve you".

_How am I already crashing? How long have I been high? How long have I been driving?_

I check the time on the dash that reads 2:54 AM.

Two hours... I've been driving for two hours with no recollection of time passing.

I don't even know where we are... it's just an empty, open road...

_Fuck._

I rub my head, feeling the sharp familiar pains of crashing from a high, but this time the feelings are 10x as intense. "Argh, fuck" I groan, lifting my foot off the accelerator so I can rub my head some more, my mind no longer able to focus on the road ahead.

Max doesn't seem to notice me in pain yet, that or she's ignoring me. Either way, she sits stalk still in her seat, still shaking and still mumbling softly to herself.

The pain continues to the point where I actually whimper out loud.

"Fuck," I groan again, opening my eyes and looking around, trying to find a safe spot to park until the pain passes.

Thankfully, the road is empty and I park on the edge of the highway with no problem, the rough ground under the tires causing the truck to rumble until it comes to a stop.

I curse again and press my hands hard against my temples in an attempt to relieve the pain but it just seems to be getting worse and I can feel tears start to form in my already red and watering eyes. "Fuck...  _fuck_... god fuck" I mutter, my voice straining as I try to keep my composure calm and collective. But it's no use. I just start sobbing again, all the emotions I was trying to repress mixing into the ones I'm feeling now.

"i'm such an idiot... I'm a fucking fuck up... I just ruin everything I touch..."

Max tried to off herself, I tried to run, both of us can barely take care of each other let alone ourselves, and now people are definitely going to be looking for us. Force us to go back...

And It's all my fault.

All my fault.

I clutch the steering wheel and cry, feeling so alone even though the love of my life is sitting right next to me.

"I'm so sorry, Max," I mumble, struggling to speak through the tears, "I'm so sorry I'm doing this to you. I'm so sorry I broke you".

After a few minutes of me crying, I suddenly realize small movements coming from Max who still sits motionless beside me. She blinks a few times as if suddenly realizing where she is and what happened. Her breath catches in her throat for a moment, her teeth still chattering despite the warmth. She turns to me, confused and scared.

I turn to her too, my eyes red and fogged with tears.

I can hear her whimper softly, shifting ever so slightly in her seat.

" ** _C- Chloe?"_**  She mumbles.

"I'm sorry, Max. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me".

Another whimper, one from me, another from Max.

"I'm so sorry I'm putting you through this, I'm so sorry that all this is happening to you because of me".

I close my eyes again and sob, my headache only worsening.

"I'm so sorry".

As I cry, I feel Max inch closer to me, her hands reaching up and gripping onto my shoulder. She pulls me in and I let her hold me, my head pressed against her chest as she too continues to cry and shake.  ** _"I'm sorry"_** _,_ _s_ he says, soft this time, not like she's a robot just repeating the phrase,  _ **"I'm so sorry I did that,"**_

I can't tell if what she's saying is true, but I have to believe it is because for some reason she couldn't go through with it and she allowed herself to come back to me...

But...

I don't know for how long.

**_"I didn't mean to hurt you... I was afraid"_ **

I just close my eyes a cry, ignoring all the feelings I have and just focusing on Max's hands that grip my sweat soaked, faded blue hair as if literally trying to grip onto reality. My arms are wrapped around her waist, my face buried in the comforters that still cocoon around her body. I crave her closeness more than I have in days... I want more. I want to feel her heartbeat on my own, I want to be able to hear every precious breath the intakes. I want to feel the warmth and life that radiates on her skin. I want to kiss her and hold her and never let go. I want to save her from the darkness that consumes us both.

But...

Sometimes you can't save what can't be saved...

* * *

I wake up hours later in another hotel room just south of the California state line. I drove here after my breakdown on the side of the road, unable to keep going with both me and Max emotionally compromised. So I pulled over, yet again at the first hotel I see, this time using the very last of our handicap fund money to cover the costs. And since I stupidly left the duffle bag with all our clothes in it, Max has to stay in the wet clothes she tried to kill herself in. Of course, they've dried off somewhat by now, but I could still hear her teeth chatter even after we decided to go to sleep.

My mind is clear and my head no longer aches with pain, so I sigh with relief that my drug high passed.

Slowly, my senses return to me and I'm suddenly aware of a bloom of warmth on my side. Max has her chin resting on my chest and in the dark, I can see her staring at me with her deep blue, still dulled eyes. She doesn't say anything (no surprise there) she just looks at me, and I look back. "I thought you were asleep," I mumble, yawning a little as I try not to seem relieved that she's still alive next to me.

She shakes her head as if to tell me she wasn't tired.

"Did you sleep at all?".

She shakes her head again and I sigh.

"It's okay... I'll stay awake until you fall asleep".

She shakes her head again and I stare at her confused.

I can feel her hand on my stomach, her fingers grazing under my shirt and coming into contact with my bare skin.

I don't know if it's intentional, but I shiver at this for some reason.

"Max?".

I watch as she leans in, her eyes never leaving mine until our lips touch and we both instinctively close our eyes.

It's a firm kiss, and I move my hand to the back of her head, pulling her closer. I've been craving this ever since the bathroom incident, but I was terrified my comfort attempts wouldn't be welcomed. Now I wish I had tried a little harder because dear god is she desperate to kiss me. Her lips mover against mine almost aggressively and I struggle to keep up, wanting the same type of intimacy we're sharing now. but I can tell there's something more. Her breath is rather harsh as we continue to make out and I feel her hand start to lift the fabric of my shirt. At that point, I pull away after involuntarily moaning into her mouth both startled and enjoying our activity.

"What are you doing, Max?" I ask, panting softly, staring back at her once again.

She blinks and looks at me, leaning in to kiss me again but I stop her.

"Max...".

I know what she wants to do... I'm not stupid. I don't want her to feel this way, especially right now, but I want it too.

And I hate myself for it.

So I let her kiss me again, and I kiss her back, feeling as her hand trails all the way up my body until her fingers brush under my bra. Her touch is so soft and I crave it more, but I allow her to go at her own pace, waiting for a signal that will allow me to touch her too. "Don't do this if you just want to feel something," I whisper between heated kisses, my own hands holding the fabric of her shirt as her small cold hands squeeze my breasts. I don't get a response, and I don't force her to answer either, both of us too caught up in our activities to even really care.

I've been in her shoes before... with Elliot, except this time its sex between two people who actually love each other.

But there's no love in the lovemaking.

My shirt comes off sometime during the foreplay and I shiver when Max kisses my nearly bare chest. I say her name when she pulls away to remove her own clothing, startled by the break in intimacy. But her warmth returns quickly, and when Max's hand traces over the hem of my jeans and underwear, I do the same until we fall under the sheets in nothing but our skin. After a while, Max warms up to my touch even though most of our lustful actions are awkward and hesitant.

It's not passionate, it's not loving and neither of us really enjoy it. We don't make that much noise... especially Max, which honestly surprises me. The only reason we're even having sex is because we don't know what else to do, we're both desperate to feel something that we disregard the fact that this will only make us feel worse. And I hate myself for allowing it to happen. I hate myself for needing sex to numb the pain and fear that consumes me. I think Max is numb to it all and she just went along with it just to let me know that somewhere deep down... she's still there. When we finish, we don't cuddle or hug or talk like you're supposed to... we just turn away and pretend what we did didn't just happen.

All we want to do is forget.

Max is still shaking despite her skin being warm and glazed with a layer of sweat that glistens in the moonlight that seeps through the small windows. I can hear her teeth chattering too, either from the cold or tears that I can hear her shed. My mind is screaming at me to do something, to roll over and comfort her, take her in my body in my arms, let my body warm hers, but this time, I know my touch will be unwanted.

"Max," I breath, recovering from the sex high.

I don't expect a response and get none.

She has the power to take it all back but she doesn't and it's making me sick. Max want to fester in the pain, she wants to let it eat away at the last bits of sanity she has left. She wants it to eat her alive.

"Max...".

Silence and chattering teeth.

My stomach clenches and my chest tightens as I slip back into a dreamless sleep.

"Don't leave me too".


	8. And All The Walls Come Crumbling Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw: Mentions of Suicide Attempt / Blood /

When I open my eyes, I pray to every god in the sky that what Max and I did last night was all a dream, but it’s not. I wake up again in the middle of the night naked and wrapped up in linen sheets, and Max is fast asleep beside me. I feel sick to my stomach, a deep, sharp wallowing pain that refuses to go away.

What have I done?

I just keep fucking up, I keep fucking everything up.

I‘m a failure.

_ You’re disgusting is what you are, absolutely disgusting. _

_ You had sex with a traumatized and emotionally compromised girl because you didn’t know how else to deal with the fact that you basically kidnapped her and don’t know what else to do. _

I reach up and dig my hands into my head, trying to get the voice to shut up even though I know it’s right.  I did take Max away from her parents, parents that were willing to help her through her trauma no matter the cost. 

Even if that cost meant leaving me behind again.

But I was selfish because I couldn’t live without her.

_ Selfish Selfish Selfish Selfish _

“Fuck,” I curse silently, trying not to let the tears get through, “Fuck,”.

I should take her back, take her back and let Max get the help she needs, she tried to kill herself for fucksake! Lord only knows what else she’s done and not told me, hidden behind a rewind or a white lie. 

I’ll never know, and she’ll never tell.

_ What were you expecting? Just to drive off into the sunset and have a grand gay old time together? Do you even know what she went through just for you to be here? You’re fucking taking advantage of her feelings, how do you even know she loves you? You thought Rachel loved you, then you fucked and now she dead- _

“STOP!”.

I yell.

I don’t mean to, but regardless Max is awake now. She panics at first, looking around the room wildly until I tell her it was just a dream. Another lie that sooner or later I’m going to have to pay for. “It’s okay, we’re in the motel, Max. You’re safe,” I tell her, even though with me… she’s not.

She nods and takes a large gasping breath, balling the blanket covering her chest and closing her eyes. Thankfully, she doesn’t seem too concerned about the fact that we both just woke up naked next to each other… and that honestly makes me feel even worse about what we did.

_ Are you just going to let her rot in this? Let her use sex as an excuse to feel something? _

_ You really are a bad influence on her. _

_ You’re just hurting her more. _

“Are you okay?” I ask.

No response, no movements, no nothing.

“Max?”.

Still nothing.

I place a hand on her shoulder, “Max, please,”.

But Max refuses and shrugs my hand away.

So I give up.

“Okay,” I whisper, pulling back and retreating into my own space, “I- I need to take a shower,”. 

_ Dirty, dirty, dirty, disgusting, you’ll never get clean. _

“Will you be okay?”.

_ You’re treating her like a child. You broke her, she’s broken. You’re corrupting her… _

“Or do you want to go first”.

I don’t want her to. I don’t want her to try again.

I don’t want to walk in and see her dead on the floor.

**_“I’m fine”_ ** she mutters, looking away from me and pulling the blanket up and around her to shield herself from my eyes.

She hasn’t looked at me since we woke up.

_ She’s going to end up just like Rachel. _

I close my eyes and sigh sharply when that thought enters my mind.

“Okay, okay… sorry, I asked-”.

_ Don’t snap at her, for the love of god, don’t snap at her. _

“I just wanna make sure my girlfriend isn’t going to try and  _ kill _ herself again”.

_ Asshole. _

The look of hurt on Max’s face is one that will probably haunt me till my dying breath. But that’s all she does, she just stares at me, wide eyes and mouth agape, completely stunned.

I hold my harsh expression, refusing to break because part of me believes I’m in the right. I am terrified that she will try and kill herself again, and I should tell her that, but… I know that with what happened yesterday and last night, Max just wants to forget that any of this happened.

After a minute passes, I sigh sharply and pull myself off of the bed and face away from Max. “Fine,” I mutter, wanting to tell her that I don’t mean to sound so aggressive, angry, and mean, that I’m just as terrified as her, but I’ve never been good with emotions. “I’ll go first. Just…”.

_ For once in your miserable god damn life, say something nice… _

“Don’t do anything stupid”.

_ You’re only pushing her farther away. _

I don’t even bother putting on any clothes as I make my way to the bathroom, slamming the door behind me. I already know that the loud sound that reverberated through the small room was enough to make her jump, and I can hear her ragged breathing from the other side of the door, but now I could care less.

“Fucking idiot…” I mutter to myself as I tear off my necklace and throw it in the sink, “stupid fucking idiot, Chloe Price. Fucking up another life”.

The shower is small, with barely enough room to move around, there are no toiletries either, no soap, shampoo or any of that, so I guess a getting clean is out of the question. “Just… fuck everything, man,” I mutter, stepping in the tub and turning on the ice cold water, gladly letting the stinging beads of water strike my skin like needles.

For once in my life, I can’t say that the pain isn’t welcome, with everything going on with Max and running away, this pain is absolutely welcome.

_ This is all your fault, her parents were just trying to help her… _

_ And now, Max is willing to kill herself just to get away from you. _

“Fuck,”.

I know my brain is right, I know by sticking around, Max is only going to get more hurt, or actually succeed in killing herself. No matter what I do, everyone I love will leave me.

Dad left.

Max left.

Rachel left.

And now Max wants to leave again.

And… who am I to stop her?

I lean my head against the grout tiles of the shower and sigh, my body shivering from the cold. It’s not like I haven’t been in her shoes before, but… Max didn’t really seem like she was ready to go through with it, while I was. Some nights I’d steal one of David’s beers and get ready to down it with a bottle of sleeping pills, my goodbye letter to Mom, Max, and Rachel sitting next to me. But by the time I had the pills ready to go into my mouth, ready to end it all, I just couldn’t do it, no matter how badly I wanted to.

There are times that I wish I wasn’t such a pussy and had just done the deed… I would have saved myself a lot of heartbreak and pain in the process.

I punch the tile.

“Stop thinking like that….” I mutter, softly banging my head against the wall, “Focus on Max,”.

But it's not like thinking about her gets my thoughts into a much better place.

_ She needs help, get her help and all of this will go away… _

“I’m… I’m not just going to dump her off with her parents again… they’d never let me see her again,” I mutter to myself.

_ Maybe that’s for the best… since you came back into her life, she’s killed thousands of people, gotten kidnapped, drugged, had god knows what done to her in the Dark Room, watched you die over 7 times, and now she’s trying to kill herself. _

“I won’t leave her,”.

_ She left you… _

She left me…

But that doesn’t give me the right to just leave her too.

“She needs me,”.

_ All you’re doing is killing her. _

I bang my head against the tile a little harder, cursing obscenities under my breath

“She needs me,”.

_ This is all your fault. _

“I’m doing this to protect her,”.

_ Protect her from what? _

_ People, who only want to help her? _

_ You kidnapped an emotionally unstable girl and refused to let her go. _

”Stop”

But the voice in my head doesn't.

_ You let her use you, just like Rachel used you… _

“Stop…”.

_ You’re going to be the thing that ends up killing her, just like you drover rachel away into getting herself killed. _

_ You’re the reason she’s dead. _

“STOP!” I all but scream, punching the tile with my fist, finally losing my cool, “Fucking stop!”

I don’t stop punching the tile until the fury passes, and the water flowing off of me runs red, blood seeping from the cuts on my knuckles.

“Fuck!”.

For some reason, I give the wall another good hit for good measure before the pain finally registers in my brain. It stings bad, and i can already tell that I broke a few knuckles if not my whole hand, but I really don’t care at this point. 

This pain… this is a much better distraction than a cold shower.

So I grab my arm by the wrist and wash all the blood away under the shower head, hoping that I don’t get an infection of some kind from the water, and switch off the tap, stepping out into the even colder bathroom.

So maybe a cold shower wasn’t the best idea.

I take (what I hope is) a clean towel off the rack and wrap it around my hand, using the larger of the towels to cover myself, hoping Max doesn’t barge into check on me since I basically screamed and cried in pain, but then again it wouldn’t bee the first time she saw me in all my glory.

Speaking of, I’m surprised I haven’t heard her yet, even if she’s pissed at me for snapping earlier, Max would immediately be at my side if I was hurt or in danger.

Of course, the first reason that comes into my mind that would prevent Max from coming to my aid is she actually hurt herself while I was in the shower, but my gut tells me that she wouldn’t be dumb enough to try that again, and from the haunted ghostly look in her eyes when I found her in the bathtub the other night, I doubt she’d do it again anytime soon.

But I can never be sure.

“Max?” I call out, “Could you pass me my clothes?”.

No response…

Verbal at least.

But there’s no sound of rustling around, footsteps, or the bed creaking.

“Max?”.

Still nothing.

“Shit,” I mutter, wrapping my hand again before basically running out of the small bathroom, my towel beginning to slip.

Max is nowhere to be seen, in fact, aside from me, the motel room is completely empty. Her clothes are gone, her shoes and bag… everything, just gone.

“Max?”.

What if I was wrong, what if she did sneak off just to kill herself again?

“Fuck… please don’t do anything stupid,” I beg, quickly gathering up my own clothes and slipping into them, “Don’t fucking leave me to,”.

_ She’s not leaving… _

_ She’ll be escaping. _

\---

By the time I get changed and pull my boots on, I feel like I’m already too late, even though I don’t know if what I think Max might be doing is true. I just burst my way through the door in a blind panic looking all around the small corridor for the brunette but finding her nowhere in sight.

“Max! You out here?!” I call again, fumbling to get the door locked behind me.

I really don’t know why I keep calling to her when I know she's not going to answer, but there’s a part of me that hopes she’ll get enough energy to speak up for once.

“Fucking shit,” I mutter, shoving the keys in my pocket and trotting off to the roadside in front of the building, “Max!”.

“Are you looking for someone sweetie?” A soft voice says from beside me, causing me to nearly jump out of my skin.

“Uh, yeah, actually,” I say, seeing an elderly woman sitting at the bus stop next to me, “Short little brunette, ratty hair, grey hoodie, looks like she hasn’t slept in a week?”.

“Oh, that poor thing,” she says, “I saw her wonder over to the little coffee shop on the corner. She seemed to be in quite a hurry, is she a friend of yours?”.

_ Oh thank god,  _ I think to myself.

“Uh, yeah… girlfriend actually. Thanks…”.

Before the lady has a chance to respond, I run off down the street, hoping to catch up to Max before she wanders off by herself. But sure enough, when I reach the shop, I see Max sitting inside, alone at a table with a cup of coffee set out in front of her.

I sigh with relief and walk inside, ignoring the baristas who try and greet me and flop down on the open chair across from her.

“Max...” I mutter.

She doesn’t bother looking at me, she just stares down at her coffee cup.

“Why did you leave? You scared the shit out of me,”.

A small scoff escapes her lips, and I see her roll her eyes from under their darkened lids.

“Okay, look. I’m sorry I snapped at you okay? This whole fucking thing with… with… with what happened back at the other motel, has put me on fucking edge. I’m scared just as much as you are, okay? I’m not trying to make excuses… I’m just, I’m trying to protect you,”.

But Max doesn’t seem to hear or care about what I’m telling her, her focus stuck on anywhere but me.

“Max…”.

Still no response.

I slide my hand across the table towards her.

“Please…”.

Finally, Max looks up at me, eyes still dull and heavy with bags under them.

But what alarms me the most is the blood that has puddled in her nose.

**_“We should leave,”_** she says, her voice flat and deadpan.

“What?”.

But she doesn't speak again, she just gestures at my person right as my phone (still technically Max’s since I never bothered to give it back to her the day we went to the mall) begins to ring.

_ Shit… _

I reluctantly reach into my pocket and pull out my phone, at the same time grabbing a wad of napkins off the table and shoving them at Max, watching as she begins to wipe her nose.

_ What did she rewind for? _

When I read who the call is from, the question is self-explanatory.

“Shit…” I mutter.

**_“Go…”_** Max says again.

“I know… you got everything from the motel?”.

She nods.

“Then let’s jet,” I tell her, slamming some money down on the table and ending the call, turning off Max’s phone in the prosses so no one can track us, which something I should have done days ago. 

“He won’t find us, Max,” I tell her as we rush out the shop, “I won't let him”.

If there’s one thing David’s presence in my life has taught me…

It’s how to disappear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this was a shit update but I finally had enough energy to update.  
> Enjoy :D


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